The Questions in My Heart
by owlwayssandforever
Summary: The Marauders are getting older, and that means so many things. Mischief, heartbreak, and trying to figure out who they really are. They'll face problems within their group, prove their loyalty to each other, and discover the ugliness that is brewing in the wizarding world at large. Welcome to Years 2-4 of the Marauders time at Hogwarts.
1. Ch 1: Common Knowledge

_**A/N: Okay, here we go! Welcome to Part II of the Better Together universe! This installment of the story will cover years 2-4, so there'll be a lot going on, and we'll be moving through each year pretty quickly. I've written several chapters of this story already, but not necessarily the first several, so I'm going to try my best to stick to a weekly posting. If all goes according to plan, you can expect a new chapter every Wednesday, and I'll try my best to let you know if I'm going to be late. Beyond that, I don't have much in the way of notes for this chapter - we're picking up largely where we left off. Remus' younger sister died, there was a funeral over the summer, and now the Marauders are returning to Hogwarts for their second year.**_

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"So the one who brought all the chocolate, that was your Uncle Benjy?" Sirius asked, idly moving his rook across the chessboard.

Peter had brought a muggle chess set with him for the train ride, thinking that the others might enjoy it. As the only one of the four boys to have a muggle childhood, Peter often delighted in exposing his friends to various muggle innovations. He'd brought chess, Monopoly, Sorry! and Battleship with him to entertain them on the long train ride. Naturally, they'd begun round robin chess and Battleship tournaments almost as soon as the train left Kings Cross.

"Cecil," Remus answered, shaking his head lightly, his eyes focused on the board, trying to decide how best to counter Sirius' move.

"Right," Sirius said, looking disappointed with himself. "And he's your father's brother."

Again, Remus shook his head, "Mum's."

"Bloody hell," Sirius swore, fisting a hand in his curls.

Remus tore his eyes away from their game and fixed Sirius with a look.

"Sirius, it doesn't matter," he said, trying to calm his friend down, but it was no use. Sirius looked furious with himself, but Remus couldn't understand why remembering the names of his family members was so important.

"IT DOES MATTER!" Sirius exploded, slamming his fist against the compartment door, and it shook noisily.

All three boys looked at him with alarm. They had become acquainted with Sirius' temper in their first year, and knew well enough that it was best to avoid angering him, but they had never seen him like this. His hands fisted in his messy black curls, ready to tear them out.

"Sirius, it's all right, just calm down," James said, trying to pacify his friend.

"Let's go for a walk," Remus suggested, flashing his friends a meaningful look. He sensed that Sirius needed some breathing room – he was never any good at processing emotions in front of other people.

"No, I don't –" Sirius seethed.

"Too bad, I'm hungry, so let's find the food trolley," Remus cut him off, pulling him to his feet and pushing Sirius out the door of the compartment.

Sirius started moving quickly, walking like he was late for something. His agitation was evident in his movements, and Remus tried to keep up while keeping enough distance. When they were a decent distance from their compartment, in a car that was mostly occupied by older students from different houses, Remus finally spoke.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked, grabbing Sirius' wrist.

"I'm a bloody idiot, that's what," Sirius grumbled in reply, his hands curling into fists at his side.

"No, you're not," Remus answered automatically. "Why are you trying so hard to memorize my entire family tree?"

"I don't know, I just..." Sirius couldn't seem to find the words, and he looked at Remus, willing the other boy to understand without them, but Remus just waited patiently. "You matter to me, and your family matters to you, so..."

Sirius shrugged, and Remus nodded, smiling. Remus had sometimes wondered if Sirius' offhanded remark about the inferiority of magical creatures last spring hadn't affected their friendship more than either of them realized. Sirius seemed to have learned from the mistake, and Remus had genuinely forgiven him, but still... sometimes it niggled at his mind. Forgiven or not, neither of them could ever quite forget that it had happened. And there were moments, every now and then, where Sirius seemed to be extra... well, sweet, to Remus, and he had sometimes considered that it might be his way of trying to make up for what had happened. Remus wondered if that's what this was, Sirius' demonstration that Remus' family, his values were important.

"Thank you," Remus offered, and Sirius seemed to relax a bit at the words. "But you don't have to memorize everyone in my family to show me that you care. Just being a friend to me is enough right now."

"You miss her a lot, don't you?" Sirius asked quietly.

"All the time," Remus answered sadly. "But it'll be easier at Hogwarts, I'll be busy and it won't feel quite as strange that she isn't there."

Sirius nodded, not sure what else he could say. He'd never met Remus' sister, but he knew that they had been close, and he couldn't imagine how painful it would be to lose Regulus, as it was, let alone if he and Regulus had grown up as close as Remus and Zeva had.

"For the record," Remus said, interrupting Sirius' thoughts and placing his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Asking about her, that's how I know that you care about me."

Sirius smiled, and the two of them hugged briefly, before setting off for their compartment again. Peter and James had taken over the chessboard, and Peter was soundly thumping James, who was down to two pawns, a rook, a knight, and his royalty.

The rest of the train ride passed less eventfully. Sorry! had gotten perhaps too competitive, and they had all needed some time to cool off after finishing it. Peter narrowly beat Remus in the chess tournament and James won battleship handily. When the food trolley finally made its way to them, they had gorged themselves on food, until they felt like they would never eat again.

As the sun dipped low over the horizon, Peter, Sirius, and James all dozed off, while Remus pulled out a book and began to read. The final hour to Hogsmeade passed, and Remus shook his friends awake as they pulled into the station.

As the four boys disembarked at Hogsmeade Station, they looked around wondering what they were supposed to do this year. Last year the first years had been called to cross the Black Lake by boat, but they had no idea how the second years had been transported.

"Marlene!" Sirius called, running after the third year girl.

"Hey, what's up?" she answered, slowing her steps to allow the younger boys to catch up to her. She had grown over the summer, her skinny legs much longer than Sirius'.

"Good summer?" Sirius asked, but he didn't wait for an answer. "Clearly we don't take the boats this year, so how do we get to the school?"

"I hope we don't have to walk," Peter groaned, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Don't worry, Pettigrew, you don't have to walk far," Marlene laughed. "There's some carriages that will take us up."

"Excellent," Peter sighed.

They followed Marlene up the path to the large wrought iron gates at the edge of Hogwarts' grounds. Students poured into carriages, six apiece, all lined up, waiting to be occupied. As soon as the doors closed, the carriage would set off, pulled by nothing but a pair of harnesses hanging in midair. The four boys clamored into a carriage with Marlene and Emmeline Vance.

Peter alone seemed content with their company, smiling awkwardly at the older girls. Sirius was looking around, trying to see if he could watch Regulus following Hagrid into the distance. Remus was searching for Georgiana, no doubt, eager to see his best friend outside of their little circle. James was staring into the distance, lost in thought as he watched Lily Evans' braid disappear into another carriage with Severus Snape. He never could believe that she would be friends with him, the utter dirtbag that he was.

Their carriage set off with a jolt, carrying them up the pathway to the towering castle looming above them. The scenery whisked by them, trees and the lake and the quidditch pitch. Before long, they were pulling up to the carved oak doors of the Great Entrance and climbing out of the carriage. Without ceremony, the students – all but the first years – proceeded through the doors and the Entrance Hall, and into the Great Hall, taking their seats at their house tables.

There was chatter filling the Hall as students caught up with their friends that they hadn't seen since the end of last term. Even Peter and Remus seemed more talkative than usual as they passed by other Gryffindors. Those who hadn't been at the funeral offered Remus their condolences, no matter how well they knew him. Sirius rolled his eyes at the insincerity of it all, unable to understand why people would go out of their way to offer sympathy they didn't really feel to someone they couldn't care less about.

He flopped into a seat and craned his neck to look toward the doorway, waiting to see when the first years would be brought in to be Sorted and join their new houses. Eventually, Professor McGonagall led the first years through the doors and between the rows of tables, bringing them to a stop in front of the long, high table of professors. She made her speech about how the Sorting would proceed, and then prepared to begin.

Sirius sat at the Gryffindor table, fidgeting as he watched the first years get sorted into their houses. It was a new experience for all of them, sitting on the benches and waiting to find out who would join their ranks, instead standing in terror waiting to find out what test they would be subjected to in order to find out where they fit. Up and down the tables, the second years stuck out like a sore thumb. They were the students sitting with a mix of relief at knowing their place and discomfort at not knowing what to do with themselves Those with younger siblings being sorted – Sirius, Calliope Kendrick, even Caspian Calanon – looked the most nervous.

The Sorting started, and Lloyd Aubrey – Bertram's younger brother – went to Hufflepuff, followed by a muggle-born named Simon Beringer.

Sirius never wanted Regulus to face the kind of anger from his parents that he'd been subject to. He knew that if Reg were sorted into any house but Slytherin, his parents would be furious. Maybe not as furious as they had been with him, they would find a way to salvage it for darling Regulus, but they'd still be angry. And yet, Sirius felt that being out of Slytherin was Reg's only chance to get away from their parents' toxic ideology. He knew that not all Slytherins were bad people, that they didn't all believe in blood purity and wizarding superiority. Artemis Arandur was lovely, Anselmo Durion was nice enough, and Sirius thought Dagdan Rowle might be on the right side of things, though he was so quiet it was hard to tell. But Sirius knew Reg wouldn't fall in with those people, the good ones. Reg was quiet, shy, he would gravitate towards the people they already knew from their parents' parties and they playdates they had been forced into as children. That meant the Warwick twins, Crabbe, Yaxley, and Heino Selwyn. All the people Sirius worked hard to avoid, or better yet, piss off.

Sirius watched as Regulus walked up to the dais, a nervous expression on his face. Even from far away, Sirius could see his brother's eyes darting from professor to professor, looking for some reassurance that he had nothing to worry about. He took a deep breath as he sat on the stool in front of everyone, his eyes closed as he waited for the Sorting Hat to be placed on his head. It dropped down around his ears, hiding his eyes from the view, and the entire Hall collectively held its breath.

The minutes seemed to drag on, and Sirius felt like his heart was stopped as he waited for a decision. At last, the hat began to stir, opening its mouth, and Sirius raised himself off the bench slightly.

"Slytherin!" it shouted, and Sirius immediately felt himself deflate.

Regulus looked over his shoulder as Sirius as he walked over to the Slytherin table, amid cheers from the pureblood families they had long associated with. He shrugged, and from the look in his eyes, Sirius knew that Regulus was not surprised by his sorting at all, but he thought it might not have been the result he was hoping for.

With a sigh, Sirius sank back into his seat, pouring himself a goblet of pumpkin juice. He paid little attention to the rest of the Sorting Ceremony, barely noticing the new Gryffindors that joined their ranks. A little girl with an innocent looking face and a broad smile sat down next to Lily, and he thought he heard her call the girl Mary. Caspian's sister, Saxa, ended up in Gryffindor as well, naturally gravitating toward her brother. Two unremarkable boys sat down the able from them, and one who looked like he might be useful at Quidditch once he grew a bit.

James, Remus and Peter were happily chatting about the new year, wondering what the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would be like, wondering which first years would be the most fun to prank. Sirius couldn't join their conversation, he couldn't think about anything. The only thing that kept running through his mind was that he had just lost his brother, probably for good.


	2. Ch 2: Nighttime Revelations

_**A/N: The idea for this started with a text post by [alt-j] and [firstladymisha] on tumblr, and then snowballed and took its own form. Probably not how OP thought this scene would play out, but here we go. Also, nobody said this story would be a happy one. Sorry! But I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway!**_

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The sound of rain tapped against the window pane next to Sirius' bed, like rhythmic torture, keeping him from drifting off into sleep. He could see lightning flash outside and braced himself for the thunder that would would follow, pulling the blanket tight around his shoulders. The crack echoed through the night air, sending a shiver down Sirius' spine. He vaulted out of bed, jumping onto James' bed, which elicited a groan of annoyance.

"Hey," Sirius said, poking James' leg with his foot, trying to awaken his friend.

Another bolt of lightning spliced the dark sky, the loud boom accompanying it nearly simultaneously. Sirius closed his eyes, but his father's face loomed before him, hand raised.

"Hey, James."

"Go'way," James mumbled, sleepily aiming a kick in Sirius' direction.

"James, why is your name plural?" Sirius asked, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"Wha?" James answered groggily, rolling over to face Sirius, eyes still mostly closed.

"Why is it plural, why's there an 's' at the end?" Sirius continued, clenching his fists as another crash of thunder shook his reality.

 _"Daft boy," his father said, shaking his head. "You're lucky we don't just lock you away, shame that you are."_

"What are you on about?" James asked, looking at Sirius with confusion.

"Your name, there's an 's' at the end, so it's got to be plural. Why?" Sirius babbled, vaguely aware that he was talking complete nonsense, but he followed the thought anyway.

"There's plenty of words that end in 's' that aren't plural," James reasoned, trying to push Sirius off his bed.

"Name one," Sirius challenged.

"I - well I can't think of one right now," James huffed, sitting up in bed. "But it's nearly two in the morning."

"How many James are you? Three James? Four James? Twenty James?" Sirius grinned, taking pleasure in irritating his best friend.

"I don't know, _Sirius_ ," James answered pointedly.

"Merlin's beard..." Sirius sighed, his eyes widening. "How many Sirii am I? I feel like I'm probably about three hundred and twenty seven, don't you think?"

"Oh my god, Sirius, go to sleep," Remus hissed from the other side of Sirius' bed.

"Why sleep when I can annoy the two of you?" Sirius retorted, hopping of James' bed and skipping over to Remus', plopping down heavily.

"Because you're probably annoying everyone else in the dorm too," Remus answered. Thunder cracked loudly again, and Sirius burrowed into Remus.

 _"Don't make me use my cane, boy," Orion Black thundered, walking across the back of Sirius' eyelids to find his antique walking stick._

"Nah, Peter always sleeps like the dead," Sirius reasoned.

"The rest of us don't though," said Firmin, from deep within the blankets piled on his bead. "And we will band together collectively to kill you."

"But then who would entertain you?" Sirius asked.

"Does anybody know incarcerous?" Lance asked, grabbing his pillow and holding it over his ears.

"Incarcerous wouldn't stop me from talking though, would it, Lancey?" Sirius teased. Thunder shook the room, and Sirius whimpered slightly, bringing his hands up by his face.

 _The cane came crashing down, once, twice, three times. Sirius felt a sharp pain every time it connected with his body, knew that there would be angry red marks all over his skin that would turn into dark bruises that stood out in sharp contrast against his pale skin._

Sirius winced, feeling a kind of phantom pain on his side, and he could almost swear that bruises were flowering along his ribs.

"Sirius, are you alright?" Remus asked, sitting up and taking in his friend's stricken expression.

"Sure, fine," he answered, trying to school his features.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm fine, I'll just.. I'll just go back to bed," Sirius said, sliding off Remus' bed and crawling under his own blankets.

The storm was beginning to pass, to fade into the distance, and the sound of the thunder grew fainter. But Sirius could still taste the blood on his lips after his father slapped him. He could feel the shame that always accompanied these episodes, wondering what was wrong with him that he couldn't just behave. Sirius drifted off into a fitful sleep, nightmares plaguing him as he tossed and turned.

All the boys in the dormitory snuck out quietly for breakfast the next morning, a common understanding to let Sirius sleep passing between them. Most of them had heard him whimpering and crying out in his sleep, tossing from side to side in his bed.

"Do you think there's something he isn't telling us?" Remus asked James as they settled down at the Gryffindor table, grabbing a piece of toast.

"Like what?" James replied, helping himself to scrambled eggs.

"I don't know," Remus sighed heavily, "but last night was weird, don't you think?"

"I think he just doesn't like thunderstorms very much," James shrugged.

"You don't think it's more than that?" Remus pressed, biting his bottom lip.

"It's pretty common to be afraid of thunder," Peter chimed in, nibbling on a banger.

"Yeah, you didn't see his face though," Remus said. "It was like there was something happening in his head that wasn't here."

"I don't think he gets on much with his family," Peter offered, trying to convey a deeper meaning to his words.

"Yeah, everyone knows that," James dismissed with a wave of his hand. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, it's just that these elite families can be, well, old worldly, can't they?" Peter answered.

"What do you mean, Peter?" Remus asked, kindly.

"When they punish their kids, some of them are quite... harsh," Peter said.

"You think they beat him?" James asked in shock, perhaps a bit too loudly.

Peter shrugged in response.

"No, they wouldn't..." Remus said under his breath.

"You've never noticed him come back from break with bruises?" Peter asked, sounding a bit surprised.

"He hasn't!" James insisted. "We'd've noticed if he had a big black eye or something."

"Not on his face," Peter explained patiently. "But on his chest or his back. It's why he doesn't like to be hugged, 'cause it hurts."

"Maybe he just doesn't like hugs," James insisted, but Remus remained quiet, thinking about Peter's words.

"I saw them too, once," Peter said, looking sheepish. "When we were getting ready for bed right after we came back from Christmas break last year."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Remus asked, his voice laced with concern.

"It's not really my place," Peter answered quietly. "If he wanted us to know, he would've said something. Besides, he's here now, away from them, so he's safe."

"Yeah, but he still has to go home during breaks," Remus argued.

"We've all said he's welcome to stay with us any time he wants, but he never does," Peter countered, a touch defensive. "He has options."

"They might not let him," Remus sighed. "We have to do something."

The three boys were quiet for a few minutes. Remus was trying to think over their options, while Peter focused on his breakfast, pushing around the beans that were on his plate. James was absolutely stricken, horrified that he could've missed something so monumental about his best friend, and sent him back home to those dreadful people break after break.

"We should tell him that we know," Peter said after several moments, breaking the silence.

"We should tell Dumbledore," Remus argued, his face betraying the outrage he felt. "We have to make sure he never goes back there again."

"We can't do that," James said, hating the words as they came out. "I don't want him to go back there any more than you do, but Sirius'll be livid if we try to push him into doing anything. You know he hates being forced into things."

"But it's for his own good!" Remus argued, but James shook his head.

"He'll deny it, and we haven't got any real proof," James said, knowing his words were true. "They might be horrible, but they're still his family."

"But -"

"Remus, don't you understand?" James hissed, frustrated with their situation. He wanted nothing more than to march to Dumbledore's, no, the Minister's office and have Sirius' parents arrested, but it wasn't the right course of action. "He loves them, despite what they've done, he loves them, and he'll protect them if we put him in that position. He'll hate us and he'll protect them, and then he'll be worse off. We just have to... we have to convince him to stay with us as much as we can. And in time he'll come round and see how awful they are."

"I don't like this, James," Remus said. "I feel like we should do more."

"Do more about what?"

All three boys looked up to find a suspicious looking Sirius standing by them, rubbing his sleep-filled eyes.

"About... about Rosaline's pet cat," Peter stammered. "He went missing last night, probably went into the Forest, but there was the storm, so she's pretty worried about him."

"Oh," Sirius said, sitting down next to Remus. "I'm sure it'll be alright though, cats are pretty resilient."

"That's what I said," James agreed, swallowing the lump in his throat. "But Remus thinks we should look for it."

"In the Forest?" Sirius asked, incredulous. "Don't get me wrong, mate, I'm always up for a little Forest outing, but you usually try to avoid detentions."

"Yeah, well, he's important to her," Remus answered. "Besides, I never said we should go into the Forest. Maybe he's somewhere else. Could be in Hagrid's garden, or on the quidditch pitch, or somewhere in the castle.

"Remus, the grounds are massive, we'll never find it, but I'm sure it'll turn up," Sirius laughed, scooping a large pile of beans onto his toast and taking a large bite.

"Remus, could you look over my transfiguration essay?" Peter asked, changing the topic. "Only I'm not quite sure that I've got everything right, and I really need a good grade on this one."

"Sure, Peter," Remus said with a smile.

They passed the rest of their breakfast uneventfully, picking up their usual teasing banter and trying to put the events of the night before out of their mind, or at least to the back of it. James felt a knot in his stomach at the idea that he hadn't known, and vowed to himself to be more observant, to make sure that he never missed anything as substantial about one of his friends again. Remus felt sick at the idea of doing nothing, but knew that James was right about Sirius putting up a fight. He wanted to please his parents, and he wouldn't report them, not even to Dumbledore. Not even to his friends. But Remus promised himself it would be temporary, and that one day he would make sure Sirius got out of his parents' house and went somewhere that was safe. Peter wondered whether he had done the right thing in telling his friends Sirius' secret. He knew that what was happening to his friend was wrong and should be put to an end, but he couldn't help but think that he had just betrayed Sirius' trust by sharing this information. Sirius looked at his three best friends and hoped that they hadn't guessed his secret, hoped that he had covered it up well enough the night before. He didn't want them to know how much his parents' hated him, how often he failed to be the son they craved. They had Regulus, of course, but he wasn't their first born, and no matter how perfect Regulus was, he couldn't outweigh the shame that Sirius caused his family. But he didn't know how to be the son they wanted, couldn't figure out how to change for them. One day, Sirius told himself, maybe one day they'll see that who I am isn't so bad. Maybe one day they'll love me like they love Regulus. I just have to do better.


	3. Ch 3: Home for the Holidays

_**A/N: Happy hump day everyone! I hope you didn't think I forgot to update! This chapter is pretty long, and I think somewhat emotional, but I hope you guys enjoy it! See ya next Wednesday!**_

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"Come in," Dumbledore called from inside his office, after Remus knocked on the ornate wooden door.

Slowly, he pushed it open, dreading the conversation they were about to have. In the year and a half that Remus had been at Hogwarts, he had been in the Headmaster's office a handful of times, and never for anything good. Not that Remus was one to get in trouble, but his condition sometimes necessitated these chats, and Remus had no doubt that that was why he was there.

The Headmaster was sitting at his desk, fingers steepled together and eyes closed in calm consideration. Behind him, Professor McGonagall stood, looking altogether more intimidating, her lips pursed as usual. Remus approached them, taking a seat in the chair across the desk and dropping his bag at his feet.

"Mr. Lupin, Professor McGonagall and I would like to discuss the upcoming winter holidays with you," Dumbledore began, fixing his blue eyes on Remus.

"There's a full moon on the second night," he answered, shrugging slightly. He paid close attention to the lunar cycle, and he was well versed in when his transitions would happen.

"We've talked to your parents, and they don't feel... prepared... to keep you safe during your transition, and they thing it would be better if you remained here over the holidays," Dumbledore continued, watching Remus carefully.

"They don't want to see me?" Remus asked, unable to contain his disappointment, or even hide it.

"Of course they do," Professor McGonagall interjected kindly, her expression softening. "They just think that we can provide for your needs better here. Madam Pomfrey will be on hand to help you recover from any injuries, and you'll be safe in the Shack as usual."

"Right, of course," Remus agreed, his mind stuck on his parents and feeling undeniably rejected. He had thought that they would be excited to see him, even more so since his sister's death, but they didn't want him at all. "I should get back to the library, Professors, some of the end of term projects are rather difficult."

Remus stood and grabbed his bag, turning to go before he could start crying. He felt very emotional, and he didn't want to break down in front of the Headmaster and his Head of House.

"Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall called out to him as he reached the door of the office, "your parents care for you very much."

Remus nodded and swallowed thickly, but at that moment he felt distinctly like Professor McGonagall cared more for him than his family did. He knew his father thought his kind were monsters, and his mother only really knew about his condition from muggle fairytales and his father's work, and he wasn't sure which gave his kind a worse reputation. But he had always believed that, even though they thought he was disturbing, his parents had still loved him. Maybe not as much as his sister, who had been perfect in every way – in his eyes as much as theirs – but he had thought that they loved him somewhat. And yet, here was the proof that Remus had been mistaken, that he had been fooling himself this entire time.

A few floors down from Dumbledore's office, Remus ducked into an empty classroom, quickly locking the door behind him. He collapsed into the professor's chair, letting his head sink onto the desk. The cool wood felt nice against his skin, which had grown hot with emotion. Tears began to flow freely across his cheeks, making little puddles on the desk, and Remus was happy to let them come.

After half an hour, maybe more, Remus heard a small click that meant someone had unlocked the door. His tears had stopped several minutes earlier, but it had only left him feeling defeated, rather than better, so he had stayed where he was. But as the door opened, he straightened up and wiped at his face, trying to erase the evidence of his tears. To his surprise, Lily Evans walked through the door, a curious look on her face.

"Remus?" she asked, closing the door behind her. "Is everything alright? Only I heard noise and it sounded like someone was upset..."

"I'm fine, just having a rough day," Remus sniffed, giving Lily a weak smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered, sitting down on one of the students' desks.

"I dunno," he shrugged, and Lily was kind enough to sit quietly, waiting for him to decide. "My parents don't want me to go home for break."

"I'm sure that's not true," Lily said automatically, but she frowned when Remus gave her a withering stare. "Well, did they say why?"

Remus was quiet for a moment as he considered what to tell her. He didn't like lying to her, Lily had always been kind to him, but he couldn't tell her the truth about his condition.

"They just think it would be better for me to stay here," Remus answered at last, trying to toe the line between truth and lies.

"Because of your sister?" Lily asked, her brows dipping down in concentration. "I guess that makes sense, they think it'll be too hard to be at home without her."

"Maybe, but I thought they would miss me even more," Remus replied, frowning.

"I'm sure they do," she said. "But maybe they need more time to grieve on their own. It's a big change for them, and I'm sure it takes a long time to deal with. They might be worried that if you come home, it'll be even worse when you leave to go back to school again."

Remus was torn. He knew that it wasn't the reason that he was being set aside, but he couldn't tell Lily that. Yet at the same time, her words made him feel slightly better about the situation. She might, at least, be right about them missing him, and oddly that made a difference in the situation.

"But I still want to go home," Remus said at last. "I miss my parents and I want to see them."

"Then you should tell them that," Lily shrugged, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "Remus, your parents love you, and if you really want to go home, I'm sure they would let you. Or at least, maybe you could stay with James or Sirius or Peter for the holidays? I know it wouldn't be your family, but it might be better than staying at Hogwarts."

Remus appreciated her words, but he knew that staying with any other families was completely out of the question. Deep down, he knew that his parents were right. He would be better of turning at Hogwarts, and everyone else would be safer. His werewolf form was growing as rapidly as his human self, and he could no longer simply be contained in a soundproofed basement. The days when Remus transformed into a cub were long gone, and now he was easily strong enough to break through a door. The thought of what he could do to innocent villagers if he got out was enough to make him shudder with fear. No, everyone else would be much safer if he stayed at Hogwarts. But even knowing that it was for the best, Remus was filled with sadness.

"You should talk to the others about it," Lily said, pulling Remus from his thoughts. "James, Sirius and Peter. You should tell them what's going on. They might be able to help you."

"I don't want to burden them," Remus answered, shaking his head lightly. "They won't be able to change anything, so there's no point."

With a sigh, Lily stood and collected her bag, scooping up the rolls of parchment that had fallen out. She felt more than a little exasperated at _boys_ and their stupid need to do everything themselves. Why didn't they realize?

"Friends are meant to share your burdens," she said, looking over her shoulder at Remus, "even the ones they can't change."

With that parting wisdom, Lily walked out of the classroom, leaving Remus to the company of the misery he was resolved to keep.

Lily made a beeline for the Great Hall, where she knew that she was most likely to find the boys. She didn't particularly care if Remus showed up there, but she felt pretty confident that he wouldn't. In his mood, he would probably sulk in the classroom or hole up in the dormitory. Predictably, James, Sirius and Remus were sitting at the table, stuffing their faces with food. They didn't even seem at all concerned that Remus had been called away, that he hadn't returned yet, and Lily felt a surge of disgust roll through her stomach. She liked Remus well enough, and Peter was alright. Both of them were prone to self-pity, which thoroughly annoyed Lily, but they were good people besides that. But James and Sirius were complete idiots, often jerks, and they consistently made Lily's blood boil.

"The three of you could look a _little_ more concerned that Remus got called to the headmaster's office," Lily huffed, coming to a stop next to Peter.

James looked between her and Sirius in confusion, and Peter looked up at her, frozen, with food halfway to his mouth. But Sirius just rolled his eyes at her and shrugged, and Lily had to suppress the anger boiling inside her.

"He get's called to Dumbledore all the time," Sirius answered nonchalantly.

"And how often does he leave those meetings and go cry in an empty classroom?" Lily snapped, anger flashing in her eyes.

"How is this your business?" Sirius retorted, his mouth twisting into a sneer.

"Because I'm the one who found him!" Lily answered, crossing her arms against her torso.

"So?" Sirius scoffed. "It's not like you're -"

James reached out and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, stopping him in his tracks before he could say something regrettable.

"What happened, Evans?" he asked, and Lily turned her glare on him.

"His family told him not to come home for the holidays," she answered, a bit more sharp that necessary. "He's pretty cut up about it, feels like they don't want him."

"We'll take care of him," James assured her, though his tone was stiff.

"Thank you for letting us know," Peter said quietly, dropping his fork to his plate.

Lily turned and stalked away with a huff, her mary janes clicking against the stone floor. Overhead, the stars began to wink out as storm clouds drifted through the sky.

"Why does she have to go about, sticking her nose where it doesn't belong?" Sirius mumbled, poking at his food aggressively.

"But it was good she told us," Peter countered, his eyes round and sincere.

"I guess, but still, what does she care? She's not Remus' friend, she hasn't given a hippogriff's behind about him before," Sirius argued heatedly.

"Look mate, normally I'd agree with you," James cut in. "Evans can be bloody annoying most of the time. But I think right now we just need to focus on Remus. We have to make him feel better about this somehow."

"He could come spend the holidays with one of us," Sirius suggested, as if that solved the entire problem.

"Don't you think that would really just be rubbing in that his family doesn't want him at home?" James countered, shaking his head. "No, that's no good. We'll have to do something else..."

"What if... what if we all stayed here too?" Peter offered, looking nervous. "I'm sure it's a rubbish idea, but..."

"No, actually, I think it's brilliant!" James replied, smiling broadly at Peter.

"Look, normally I'm as chuffed as anyone to avoid my parents," Sirius said, "but won't your parents' mind you not coming home? Not to mention, I don't think Remus would take it as well as you think. He doesn't like people doing things for him, especially if it means sacrificing something."

"My parents will be sad not to see me, but they'll understand," James answered, and Peter nodded in agreement. "But you might be right about Remus. What if we just... don't tell him..."

"You want to lie to Remus?" Peter asked, incredulous.

"I think it might be the only way to get him to accept the situation," James said, giving Peter a tentative smile. "Isn't a white lie alright if it's to help someone?"

"I'm not sure..." Peter answered, looking uncomfortable.

"Peter, you know Remus would never let us give this up for him," Sirius argued. "Not that there's much to give up, really. But he would see it as a sacrifice, and he'd be upset. It's the only way."

"I suppose," Peter admitted, reluctant.

"We'll have to come up with different excuses," James reasoned. "And tell him at different times."

"Well my excuse is simple, I just don't want to go home," Sirius shrugged.

"You should go last, once we're all staying, you can say that you'd rather stay here with the rest of us," James said, nodding.

"I suppose I could say that one of my parents is sick," Peter suggested, hastening to amend his words when the others looked at him wide-eyed. "Nothing life threatening! The flu or something, just contagious enough to keep me away."

"Alright, well, I guess my parents could be traveling, they might not return before Christmas. If they were abroad, a storm would be enough to delay them," James considered. "I can go first, I'll send myself a fake letter from them and get it in front of him tomorrow. Peter you can go a day or two after that, and then Sirius, you last. We'll have to do a fair bit of acting to sell this though."

"Good thing we've had a fair bit of practice acting to get out of trouble," Sirius replied with a mischievous grin.

"When have you ever gotten _out_ of trouble?" James scoffed, laughing lightly at his friend. "We all know you're the master of getting _into_ trouble."

James pulled a small roll of parchment from his bag and extracted his quill and ink. He dipped his quill and began scratching a note out, imitating his father's handwriting flawlessly. When he was done, he held it up, satisfied, and blew on the ink lightly to dry it. He waved his wand at the base of the letter, and it tore cleanly away from the rest of the roll and folded itself neatly into a note.

All three boys got up from the table and left the Great Hall, making their way to the Owlery. James found his owl, Driscoll, and gave him specific instructions to bring the letter to him in the Great Hall at breakfast the next morning. When it was all arranged, they returned to Gryffindor Tower, finding Remus surly and brooding over his textbooks.

He said nothing about staying at Hogwarts for the holidays, and with an exchange of looks, the other three boys agreed it was better to pretend not to know. That way, when they announced they would be staying, it would be more plausible that it wasn't all for him.

Remus' mood had not changed by breakfast the next morning. He stared at his plate sullenly and pushed around bits of food without eating anything, though he had skipped dinner the night before. He didn't even notice when Driscoll swooped low over the Gryffindor table, landing gracefully on James' shoulder and dropping the letter in his lap. James opened the letter and did his best to look upset, tossing the letter down on the table and sulking into his beans on toast.

"Something wrong?" Sirius asked, nonchalant as ever.

"Mum's written, she says that she and my dad won't be home for Christmas," James answered, keeping his eyes on his plate and frowning seriously. But he saw through his lashes that Remus was looking up at him curiously. "They've been traveling a bit, seeing some of her extended family in India and friends in Egypt and Greece. But there's some big storm happening I guess, and she says they won't be able to get back in time, so I'm to stay here for the holidays."

"Really?" Remus asked, his voice a touch more upbeat. "You're staying here?"

"Looks like it," James said glumly, poking around at his breakfast. "Wish I didn't have to though. It'll be rubbish here alone for Christmas. Although I guess some people are staying. I think Benjy and Stebbins are both staying, since Hanukkah will be over by then."

"Well, I'll be staying too," Remus admitted, a little sheepish.

"You will?" James answered, markedly happier.

"Yeah, I found out yesterday," he said, shrugging. "I guess my parents are just... not feeling very festive this year. They're not ready to do the whole Christmas thing, so they want me to stay here."

"Well that's excellent!" James replied, cheerfully. "I mean, not... not that your parents aren't... but it'll be much more fun with you here!"

He stammered through the end of his speech, blushing slightly as he tried not to imply that everything was fine and dandy. If what Remus had said was the truth, then he must feel awful for not being wanted. But as it was, James suspected that there was more to the excuse than what had been said, and if Remus didn't feel like he could tell them what it was, then it was probably very upsetting.

Peter waited two days before announcing over lunch that his parents had both gotten bronchitis, and they didn't want him to come home and get sick, so he really ought to stay at Hogwarts. Neither James or Sirius had any idea what bronchitis was, but it seemed sufficiently contagious that Remus accepted the explanation without question. Peter had been brilliant – he'd gone to Professor McGonagall's office to tell her about their plan, and when he came back, he pretended to be all doom and gloom and said that she had called him in to tell him the news.

Sirius didn't even bother saying anything at all, but when Professor McGonagall assembled all the Gryffindors who were staying over the break, he followed them. When Remus gave him a confused look (which James and Peter were quick to replicate), Sirius just shrugged and said, "Much better to stay with you lot than go home to my family." Remus mere shrugged in reply, used to Sirius' oddities and dislike of his family enough not to be surprised by the decision. And just like that, all four boys were spending their first Christmas away from their families ever.

Most of the students left two days before Christmas, leaving the castle empty and quiet. Of the Gryffindors, only a handful remained, and mostly from the upper years. Alastor Moody and Iseult Courtenay wanted to stay to prepare for N.E.W.T.s, while Straton Faulkner wanted to study for the O.W.L.s, and Frank Longbottom wanted to spend the holidays with Alice Matthews. A few younger students stayed, but most had gone home, missing their families. Nearly all the Jewish students remained – they always had special permission to Floo home for suppers with their families during Hanukkah, the high holy days, and pesach, if they didn't fall during the breaks – which meant that Benjy Fenwick and Daniel Stebbins were staying, as well as Leon Wycliffe and Simon Beringer, although it was a shame that Rosaline had decided to go home to see her family anyway. Only two students in the entirety of Slytherin stayed at Hogwarts, Vortigurn Warwick, who was being made to do extra Charms lessons, and Emma Vanity, who hadn't been assigned a new foster family yet. Altogether, there were only 23 students staying for the break. The House tables had been replaced by one long table, with professors sitting interspersed among the students, and the decorations in the Great Hall had been scooched in closer so that the room didn't feel quite so vast and empty.

Remus was peaky and tired as break began, and the boys assumed he was just gloomy about being away from his parents. They tried everything to cheer him up. Together with Foxtrin Flint and Benjy Fenwick, they started a wizarding chess tournament, after finding a hidden passageway to Hogsmeade Sirius snuck bottles of butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks, and they even talked about setting off some of the stink bombs they had to trick Filch. But Remus seemed to only half enjoy all of it.

On Christmas Eve, Dumbledore declared that they would have a pajama ball after supper, and everyone should come dressed for the occasion. It was a bit odd, seeing students from other years and houses, even professors, all in their pajamas, but they had a blast. Professor McGonagall, predictably, excused herself early, and Remus said goodbye as soon as dinner was finished, the sun dipping low in the sky, and the ceiling of the Great Hall stained pink and orange.

"I'm going to go for a walk," he said, pushing his chair back and looking up at the ceiling. "I don't really feel much like partying tonight."

"Right, sure," Sirius replied, jumping out of his seat. "Let's go!"

"No!" Remus answered quickly, a bit louder than normal. "I mean, no, thank you, I... I feel like being alone."

"Oh... okay..." Sirius slowly sank back into his seat, looking confused and a bit disappointed.

Remus ducked between two Christmas trees, slipping into the shadows and out of the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall was waiting for him in the Entrance Hall. As usual, she was carrying a dark cloak to help hide him as they walked through the grounds, and she handed it to him as they stepped through the doors.

"Do you think Remus is okay?" Sirius asked, looking at James and Peter.

Around them, the Great Hall was transforming from a cozy dinner room to a festive night club. Most of the professors began to dip out, leaving the party in a respectable manner, without too many drinks. But the students took advantage of the free flowing butterbeers and the music echoing from the rafters. It was tame as far as parties go, no one was stumbling drunk or making out on the dance floor, they were all just letting a little loose and having fun.

The night dragged on, and the full moon climbed higher in the sky, bathing the Great Hall in light. Peter stood on the edge of the room, looking up at the ceiling. He didn't much feel like being at the party. As much as he agreed with what they were doing for Remus, he did miss his parents, and he sort of wished he was home with them. He supposed life was good at Hogwarts, and he was happy here. He had friends and didn't get bullied as much, but... but he wasn't like Sirius. He loved his parents, very much, and it was hard for him to be away from them so much. He huffed a breath of air and squinted at the moon, trying to make out some detail of its surface, even just one crater. Something clicked in his mind then, and he thought back to Remus' words, his behavior for the past few days, and suddenly he knew. But it wasn't his secret to know, much less to tell the others. Peter could guess though, why his parents had really told him to stay at Hogwarts, and he was more glad than he had been before that they had all decided to stay.

Half an hour later, James started yawning and dragged Sirius away, finding Peter. The three boys left the Great Hall, waving goodnight to the other students, and returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, making a beeline for their dormitory. The fire was crackling in the warming stove in the center of the room, making them even sleepier. Remus' bed was still immaculate, so he clearly had not returned from his walk yet.

"I think I'll stay up and read or something until Remus gets back," Sirius said, as all three boys got ready for bed.

"If you like," James shrugged, crawling under his comforter. "He's probably fallen asleep in the library or something though."

"Maybe," Sirius answered, but he was a little concerned.

"I might stay up for a bit too," Peter chimed in, but he didn't expect Remus to come back that night at all.

"Goodnight, then," James said, drawing his curtains around him, and his friends echoed the sentiment.

Try as they might, Peter and Sirius were both too tired to stay awake for long, and both drifted off to sleep within the hour. When Remus snuck in not long after sunrise the next morning, he found Sirius asleep sitting up, a book about Megaera the Magnificent fallen, abandoned, on his chest. He smiled, knowing that his friend must have tried to wait up for him, before crawling into his own bed to try and get a few hours of sleep before the others awoke.

Peter was the first to wake the next morning, looking over to find Remus asleep soundly in his bed. For a moment, he began to wonder whether his conclusion was wrong, but he saw fresh cuts on Remus' hands, and knew that he'd been correct. Quietly, so as not to wake the others, Peter slipped out of bed and padded over to the stove, warming his hands by the fire.

They each had a pile of presents at the base of their beds, delivered in the night by teams of owls. Peter examined his carefully, and saw a few from his parents, one from each of his friends, and one small, oddly shaped parcel that he couldn't identify. Remus had a similarly modest pile of presents, but James and Sirius both had small mountains of gifts at the base of their beds. With a sigh, Peter returned to his bed, pulling his Herbology textbook onto his lap and cracking it open.

He'd read a chapter and a half when James began to stir, stretching his long limbs and cracking his joints. He sat up, pulling the curtains of his bed aside and blinking sleepily at Peter. Then, without a word, he grabbed his pillow and threw it at Sirius, hitting him in the face. Sirius groaned and wrapped his arm around James' pillow, sinking deeper into his bed.

"Oi, wake up you muppet," James mumbled, and Sirius grumbled in response.

"Let them sleep longer," Peter said, watching as Remus rolled over onto his stomach and yawned.

"But it's Christmas!" James answered, his voice brimming with excitement, and he reached out to grab one of his presents.

"Even more reason to sleep in," Peter retorted, exasperated with his friend.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" James asked, grimacing across the dormitory.

"Nothing, but neither of them slept very much last night, and we haven't got anywhere to be, so what's the rush to wake them up?" Peter snapped, a bit louder than he meant to.

"'S'goin' on?" Remus mumbled, sitting up and yawning, running a hand through his very messy hair.

"Peter thinks I'm being a twat for wanting to wake you two," James answered as Sirius blinked his eyes open.

"I didn't call you a twat," Peter said, gritting his teeth. James was really trying his patience.

"Well, it doesn't matter, we're awake now, right Sirius?" Remus replied pacifyingly, scooting down to the foot of his bed. "C'mon let's see what we've got this year."

Peter's annoyance dissipated fairly quickly as his friends woke up and began tearing into their presents, whooping excitedly. Even Remus seemed a bit happier than he had been the day before, although he looked positively exhausted. Still, he was smiling and happy as he opened his presents, and Peter relaxed a bit.

It was a good haul for all of them that year (not that it ever wasn't). Sirius' parents had sent him a few things that he hated (a book of his lineage, really?) but they'd also included a bunch of chocolates and a few treats made by their kitchen elf. The Potters had more than made up for Mr. and Mrs. Black's poor choice in presents, sending Sirius a bunch of fun gifts, many of them mirroring things James had gotten himself. They'd also sent James a new broomstick, with explicit instructions that it was for practicing quidditch ONLY and that if he broke this one, he would be buying the next one himself. Sirius cackled at the note, but James blushed scarlet, looking horrified at the memory. Remus' parents had sent him a framed photo of him and his sister when he was young, which left him in a teary sort of smile as he opened the rest of his gifts. Peter had gotten some clothes and books and sweets, nothing big or fancy, but he was more than happy with his lot. The oddly shaped package turned out to be a small plant from Professor Sprout. It looked like a little succulent, and it emitted a kind of soothing energy. He could feel it leeching the anxiety from his brain and almost instantly felt more relaxed, even happier. He placed it on the nightstand by his bed, making a mental note to spend a few minutes holding this plant each morning and night.

When they had finished opening all their presents, the four boys made their way to the Great Hall for a fabulous Christmas breakfast. The spread was fit for a king, and they couldn't help but grin as they tucked into their meals.

"You know," Remus said after a few moments of idle chatter, "this Christmas hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be."

"No?" James asked, grinning happily.

"Nah," Remus answered, echoing his friend's smile.

"And we still have days before everyone else returns!" Sirius added. "Loads of time to get into all sorts of trouble."

All four boys giggled delightedly, thinking of the different pranks they could pull and thinking about sneaking out of Gryffindor Tower. It felt like the world was their oyster.

"Really though, thank you all for staying," Remus said sincerely.

"Dunno what you're talking about," Peter denied, but his smile told a different story.

They all knew what had transpired that Christmas, and more than anything, it had cemented their friendship. Beyond friendship, really. They were family now.


	4. Ch 4: Loopholes and Lunatics

_**A/N: I can't believe we're at chapter 4 already, this story is flying by! We're now at the point (unfortunately) where the schedule is going to get a bit dicey. When I first started writing this, I let myself skip around a lot based on what I felt inspired by, but that means that we've now hit a stretch of chapters that are either in the very beginning stages or not started yet in favor of writing chapters further down the line. I'm going to try my best to stick to the schedule, but I won't make any promises. Now, this chapter is another long one, and for the most part it's pretty light and breezy (pun very much intended - you'll see)... I hope you enjoy some classic Marauders' mischief and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!**_

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"Merlin, I'm so _bored_ ," Sirius moaned, putting down his Transfiguration textbook and sinking back into his chair. "I hate being stuck in the common room."

"You should try out for the quidditch team," James suggested. "They get special permission to be out after curfew."

"Only for practice," Sirius answered, scoffing. "And besides, I can't do that until next year."

"Well, what do you want, Siri?" Remus huffed impatiently, looking up from his homework.

"I just want to _do_ something," he said, putting his feet up on the table.

"You know the rules," Remus said, trying to focus on his parchment as he scribbled out his essay.

"Sod the rules," Sirius mumbled darkly. "Let's sneak out tonight after bed."

"You know we can't do that," Peter answered, looking up from his homework. "What if we got caught? They could expel us!"

"Oh please, they're not going to kick us out for sneaking out after bed one time," Sirius argued.

"Well, it hasn't exactly been just one time..." James admitted.

"Remus, you know the rules backwards and forwards, surely there must be something we can do," Sirius whined.

Remus stopped doing his homework and considered everything he knew. He supposed that there must be some kind of loophole they could exploit for their entertainment. The past few weeks had been a little dull, he had to admit. The weather had been getting them all down, and every professor seemed to come back from the Christmas holiday determined to make them all miserable with unmanageable amounts of work each day. They'd barely left the library, except to sit at their favourite study table in the common room.

"Well," he whispered, leaning in as his friends did the same, "the rules only specify that we can't be out of bed. _But_ what if our beds didn't stay in the dormitory..."

"What?" James asked, his forehead wrinkling in confusion.

"What if we were in our beds still, but our beds weren't in Gryffindor Tower," Remus tried to explain, still fleshing the idea out in his head. "What if we... if we..."

"We _levitate_ them!" Sirius finished, eyes widening with glee.

"That's brilliant, Remus!" James added, clapping his friend on the back. "It's the perfect loophole!"

"I doubt Filch will see it that way," Peter mumbled, sour-faced.

"Don't be such a flobberworm," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Peter, the whole point of a loophole is that it _isn't_ against the rules, so we can't get in trouble," James said reassuringly. "And even if we do, we'll all be in it together!"

"We'll have to wait until everyone else goes to bed," Remus considered. "And then I think we should have two people to a bed. One person to focus on levitating, and one person to steer."

"Excellent!" James and Sirius replied in unison.

"Peter?" Remus asked, flashing his friend a little bit of puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, fine," Peter grumbled in response, but the corners of his mouth twitched up slightly. "But I want to be with Remus, he's better at talking his way out of this stuff than either of you."

James gasped and Sirius held a hand to his chest in mock offense. But Remus only smiled and gave Peter a look that seemed to say 'fair enough'.

They continued to do their work quietly as Gryffindors slowly filtered out of the common room and up to their dormitories. The fifth and seventh years stayed the longest, stressed about the exams that would determine their futures, but eventually they left as well. With a grin of excitement, the four second year boys packed up their things and went up the boys' dormitory. They tried to stay as quiet as possible so they didn't wake Lance and Firmin. It wouldn't do wake everyone up before they even got out of Gryffindor Tower.

Slowly and quietly, they stripped James' and Sirius' beds of all the sheets and blankets, and set the mattresses on the floor. Remus and Peter climbed on one, while James and Sirius sat down on the other.

"Okay, I'll levitate us, and you steer, alright?" Remus asked Peter, screwing up his eyes in concentration.

"I'm steering," Sirius declared, and James nodded. He was better at Charms anyway.

Remus and James focused intensely on the mattresses beneath them, each levitating their charges a bit off the floor. It was difficult – the mattresses were quite a bit larger and heavier than the objects they usually levitated, especially with two people sitting on top. They were a bit wobbly at first, but Sirius was eager to press on, bouncing up and down a bit (which did not help James). Cautiously, James flicked his wand, and the mattress began to move forward slowly, a few inches from the ground. Sirius guided it through the doorway and down the stairs, only bumping lightly against the wall. Taking a deep breath, Remus slowed his heart, trying to stay completely attuned to the mattress hovering beneath him. He gave his wand a small twitch, and they started to creep forward, under Peter's guidance. Remus found that it was easier to maintain the spell if he closed his eyes, trusting Peter to steer. Once both mattresses had cleared the portrait hole, they paused, setting the mattresses down in the hallway so James and Remus could rest for a moment.

"Right, which way should we go?" Sirius asked excitedly. "Down to the Entrance Hall?"

"The door will be locked," James reasoned, shaking his head. "But if you want to go outside we could probably get through the Astronomy Tower."

"I don't know about that..." Remus said nervously. "It's going to be really hard to keep these up that high. I'm not sure I can manage it."

"'Course you can, Remus!" Sirius encouraged. "You just have to be confident."

"I trust you," Peter added helpfully.

"Okay, let's do it," Remus agreed, bracing himself.

"Right, here we go then," James said. He closed his eyes, readying himself and casting _wingardium leviosa_ once more. None of the boys noticed the portrait of the Fat Lady behind them, one eye barely open as she watched them.

Remus followed suit, keeping his eyes closed as they drifted. He picked up the pace a bit this time, so they were floating and the same pace as one might jog through the hallway. They climbed higher and higher through the castle until they came to the door of the observation balcony at the very top of the Astronomy Tower. Sirius quickly _alohamora'_ ed the lock, and the door sprang open easily, allowing them passage. Under the cool night air, they rested once more, preparing for the hardest part of the adventure so far. It briefly occurred to Remus that they would, at some point, have to get back up, but that was a problem for later.

"James, you ready?" he asked, after they had taken a moment to compose themselves.

James nodded, though he was looking tired already. Remus felt the same, but he offered to take the lead this time. Carefully, he raised them up until they could pass over the wall, about two meters up. Even more delicately, he moved them forward until they hung over empty space. If he thought about it, they were probably fifteen stories up at least, but Remus most definitely did _not_ want to think about that. He sucked in another deep breath and tried to keep his hand steady, the mattress lilting a tiny bit beneath him. He began letting the spell go bit by bit, dropping his wand down a millimeter, and the mattress began to sink through the air. It was going a touch faster than he would have liked, but he was still in control, so Remus was considering it a win.

"You're doing great," Peter encouraged, leaning over the edge of the mattress to watch their descent. "'Bout a quarter of the way down now."

Remus let out the breath in his lungs slowly, a hissing sound escaping from him like a balloon letting out air. He was beginning to feel dizzy from the effort, and he reached out one hand to feel the mattress beneath him.

"Killing it, Reem!" Sirius shouted from above them, and Remus gathered that James had begun his efforts.

Apprehensively, Remus started trying to push the mattress forward a bit at the same time, wanting to clear out of James' way. It made things harder, so he was more or less just moving sideways as he hung in midair, and then drifting down again.

"Oh bollocks," James swore above them, and Sirius whooped in delight as their mattress dropped several feet switfly.

Remus stomach clenched in anxiety at the sound, and he tried desperately to block his friends out, and worry on his own mattress.

"Nearly there," Peter said, smiling brightly, even though Remus couldn't see it.

He was so tired, he just wanted to let go completely, but Remus struggled to keep them in the air, and descending steadily. At last he felt the mattress bump against the ground, and he let go of every ounce of the spell he was holding, sighing in relief. Remus lay back on the mattress, grinning at his achievement and trying to recoup some of his energy.

He could see James struggling to let the mattress down steadily, but they were at least low enough now that if they did fall, they wouldn't be seriously hurt. Just a few more feet and James would have made it too. He watched the rest of their descent, and laughed as James simply gave up two feet from the ground, letting them crash down. He was so tired, he barely managed a smile while Sirius laughed heartily.

"Gonna need a mo'," James panted, lying back as well, and Remus nodded in agreement.

High above them, Professor McGonagall had just reached the top of the Astronomy Tower, and she stood on the balcony, looking down at the four boys on the ground. Part of her was impressed by the feat the second year boys had accomplished, but only a small part. Mostly, she was furious that they could be so _stupid_. Suppose they had fallen to their deaths? It would have been up to her to inform their families of their idiocy.

"Bloody _boys_ ," Minerva swore, setting off at a brisk pace for the lower floors, and the main entrance of the castle.

It was times like this that she really _hated_ that apparition was disabled on Hogwarts grounds. Merlin only knew what those boys would get up to in the time it would take her to get there.

"Right, let's go," Sirius urged, and James groaned.

"Fine, but you're going to have to do the forward movement," he replied.

"Okay, here's what we'll do," Remus reasoned, "James and I will keep us up in the air. Peter, you and Sirius will do the forward motion, alright? We'll race to the quidditch pitch and then once we're there we can think of some kind of obstacle course?"

"What spell do we use?" Peter asked Remus, his eyebrows knitting together. " _Progredior_?

"Yeah, that should be fine," Remus said, nodding slightly. "Ready?"

James gave a grunt of agreement, and he and Remus both adjusted their positions on the mattresses. They knelt, bending as low as possible, wands in hand and pressed their palms against the mattress. Remus curled his fingertips, trying to gain some purchase on the smooth material.

"On your marks," Sirius said, grinning maniacally.

"Get set," Peter added, and Remus and James both took a deep breath, raising them in the air.

"GO!" Remus shouted, and both mattresses took off across the grounds.

They sped through the air, Remus trying to focus on not sending them crashing to the ground instead of the feeling of the wind ruffling his hair and cooling the heat under his skin. It was difficult – the lightness that he felt was intoxicating, and he could understand why James enjoyed whizzing through the air so much. Even so, Remus wasn't as fond of heights, as was sure to keep their mattress low to the ground, even as James and Sirius climbed higher into the air.

"C'mon Peter," Remus encouraged, "can't let them win. Wasting time by going higher too."

Peter screwed his face up in concentration and leaned closer to the mattress, the wind buffeting his face as he tried to stay focused. The goalposts of the quidditch pitch were getting closer, and they were only just ahead of the other two. With a small grunt of energy, Peter but every ounce of energy he had into the spell, and they sailed past the goalposts. He whooped delightedly, and Remus opened his eyes, grinning from ear to ear as he let their mattress drop to the ground.

Sirius pouted as they touched down next to their friends, but James looked too exhausted to do much of anything, including pout. He collapsed onto the mattress, face down, panting and looking for all the world like he wanted to go to sleep right there and then.

"Okay, so what kind of obstacle course should we set up?" Remus asked after a moment.

James merely groaned in response, and Sirius kicked at his hand lightly.

"What if we just played Quidditch?" Sirius suggested, looking pointedly at the goalposts.

"We haven't got any of the balls, and since we've only got one mattress each, we'd hardly have much in the way of teams," Remus answered, shaking his head slightly.

"Unless we just got a snitch and tried to catch it," Peter offered.

"Snitches are really complex magical objects though," Remus objected. "I couldn't just conjure one from nothing."

"But could you summon one?" Peter asked, and Remus opened and closed his mouth several times.

They hadn't officially learned the summoning charm yet, but Remus had been practicing on his own (he liked to get ahead, especially when he thought something might be useful). And since it didn't have to do with living creatures, there wasn't much that could go wrong. Still, he felt a bit apprehensive about attempting a spell that a teacher hadn't signed off on yet.

"I – I suppose I could try," he said at last, with a small shrug. " _Accio snitch_!"

They waited a few minutes to see if anything would happen, wondering if the spell had even worked at all. Remus had no idea where the snitches were even kept, but there had to be one free somewhere on the castle grounds. He wondered if he could even summon one, since they could fly in their own right, and might conceivably just flit off in a different direction. It took several minutes, but eventually Remus could hear the whoosh of air that meant that something small and fast was headed in their direction. He put his hand out and a few seconds later a little snitch collided hard with his palm. Remus wrapped his fingers around it carefully to make sure that it wouldn't fly away before they were ready.

"Okay, so we'll give the snitch a 30 second head start, and then go after it, and the team that catches it wins..." Remus said, drifting off toward the end of his sentence.

"What do we win?" Sirius asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Bragging rights?" Remus suggested, but Sirius scoffed.

"No, we need some kind of prize," he argued, shaking his head.

"Can we just figure it out later?" James asked, positively exhausted and wondering how he was ever going to keep the spell going long enough. He felt like he could collapse then and there and sleep for five years.

"Yeah, let's go," Peter agreed, rubbing sleepily at his eyes. It was past two in the morning, the moon was high in the sky, and they had a mere five hours until they would have to be up for breakfast.

With a nod, Remus let go of the snitch in his fingers, and watched with fascination as it unfurled its wings. The small ball fluttered in front of his eyes for a few seconds, darting this way and that in tiny movements. It seemed to be reading him, ruffling through his mind to find out what he wanted, and then it zoomed away into the night sky. Only then did he realize that Peter had been counting down the seconds until they could chase after it, and he began readying himself for takeoff once more.

When the countdown reached zero, James and Remus vaulted their mattresses into the sky, and Sirius and Peter sent them flying in different directions, searching for any glint or glimmer of the snitch. The adrenaline of their little game flooded through Remus' veins, keeping him going as Peter flew them this way and that. They circled as high as Remus could take them, well above the goalposts, scanning the field for their prize. He saw the moonlight reflecting brightly to his left, and realized it wasn't the goalpost.

"Peter, look!" Remus tugged at Peter's sleeve, pointing in the direction that he had seen the snitch.

As fast as he could, Peter sent them hurtling in the direction of the light, and Remus let the levitation spell out bit by bit, dropping them through the air until they were level with where he'd seen the snitch. He could see it, just a few feet away from them, and somehow he knew that James and Sirius would be diving after them, closing in as quickly as possible. Peter was reaching out from the front of the mattress, trying to grab the snitch, wiggling his fingers for it as it darted away.

"JAMES POTTER!"

Remus looked toward the ground where Professor McGonagall's voice boomed toward them, just as Peter's hand closed around the little snitch. He saw James let go of the spell in shock, their mattress dropping to the ground faster than it ought to have, and the two boys bounced violently on it, struggling not to go flying.

"REMUS LUPIN!"

He was already lowering them to the ground as quickly as he safely could when his name pierced the air. He closed his eyes, trying to push back the deep embarrassment and shame that rose inside him instinctively. Technically, they had done nothing wrong. He had to hold onto that.

"SIRIUS BLACK! PETER PETTIGREW!"

Remus knew they were in trouble. Professor McGonagall would not care how clever they were in finding this loophole. They were going to be chewed out, punished, regardless of whether it was _technically_ not against the rules. Remus hated himself for even looking for this loophole at all. He was so lucky they were even letting him be at the school, why would he ever risk that by doing something so stupid? It was so unlike him. This had James and Sirius written all over it, and in that moment, he felt a fleeting dislike for his friends for convincing him to do something so impetuous. But deep down he knew it wasn't really their fault. He had known what he was doing all along.

Peter and Remus touched down lightly on the ground in front of Professor McGonagall, and they could see from her face that she was absolutely fuming. James was staying awake by sheer force of will it would seem, his eyes drooping and his posture sagged on the mattress, not at all his usual swaggering self.

"WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Professor McGonagall bellowed, her face so white with anger that she looked positively ghostly. "DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?"

Sirius and James both blanched as they remembered their incident in the Great Hall the previous year, and how close things had come to being a great deal worse.

"Professor, we were careful, we were safe," James protested weakly, while Sirius looked like he might cry at her words.

"SAFE?" she screeched in reply. "SAFE? You levitated a mattress off the Astronomy Tower! Do you have any idea what might have happened to any of you if your charms had given out, or if, Merlin forbid, you fell off the mattress?"

"But we didn't," Peter answered more boldly than any of them felt.

"And how did you plan on getting back up to Gryffindor Tower? Presumably levitating the mattress up the Astronomy Tower again? All while Mr. Potter looks like he is about to collapse from exhaustion?"

The other three boys all looked at James, who did indeed look a bit peaky.

"I – I would have done the spells," Sirius offered, trying to mollify Professor McGonagall somewhat.

"And flying around on the pitch like that!" Professor McGonagall ploughed on, ignoring Sirius' objection. "What if you had fallen, and with know teachers there to assist!"

"With all due respect, Professor," Remus said, speaking up for the first time, "none of those things happened, nor did they seem likely to. We were on something far more sturdy than a broomstick and –"

"Enough, Mr. Lupin," she cut in sternly, and he stopped talking immediately. "Whether you were injured in your follies or not, it was an unnecessary risk. I would think you of all people would appreciate your place here at this school too much to engage in such behavior. I must ask, are the four of you on a mission to break _every_ school rule in as little time as possible?"

The boys were quiet for a moment, each waiting for the other to speak first, until Peter took a deep breath.

"Actually, we weren't breaking any rules," he said bravely, trying to force courage to flow through his veins.

"Not breaking any rules?" Professor McGonagall repeated shrilly. "Am I to suppose sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night is no longer against the rules?"

"Well that's just it, Professor," Remus continued, giving Peter a small nod, "we didn't sneak out of bed. We only snuck out of the dormitory, and onto castle grounds, but we stayed firmly in our beds the entire time. The rules only say that students are not permitted out of bed, so it wasn't against the rules at all."

She was silent for a moment, seething in the quiet, and for a moment Remus thought he could actually see steam coming from her ears. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she waved her wand at the four boys, and both mattresses disappeared with a _pop_ from beneath them.

"Upstairs, all of you, now," she said, and for a moment Remus thought that they had gotten away with no punishment. He exchanged incredulous looks with the others as they all pushed themselves to their feet, but once they were all standing, the other shoe dropped. "You'll find that _technically_ , you no longer have beds, but I suggest you get as much sleep as you can anyway. You'll start your detentions tomorrow, and you'll want to be well-rested."

She turned on her heel, and they didn't dare not follow, trudging along behind her. The walk back to Gryffindor Tower seemed impossibly long, and Professor McGonagall saw them silently all the way to the portrait hole. After climbing the stairs to their dormitory, they found that their beds had been replaced with armchairs, stiff and uncomfortable looking, but it was still better than what they had expected. To their immense relief, they discovered that Professor McGonagall had taken some pity on them, and at least made the chairs recliners, so that they could curl up to some degree.

Sighing, they each climbed into their chair, grabbing a pillow from the floor and adjusting themselves until they were as comfortable as possible. James and Remus were so exhausted by their spellcasting that they fell asleep rather quickly, snoring deeply, from their places. Peter drifted off not long after, turning fitfully from side to side. Sirius couldn't seem to find a comfortable position, until he at last nodded off with his feet draped over the top of the chair.

When the sunlight streamed through the windows, the second-year Gryffindor boys all began to stretch and yawn, rubbing their eyes to wake up. Lance and Firmin gave them curious looks when they awoke that morning, but both were so used to the boys' antics that they hadn't even bothered to ask what had happened. None of them felt at all rested the next day, carrying on through their classes sluggishly and waiting to see what their punishment would be.

When dinner was over, Professor McGonagall summoned them, and escorted them down through a maze of hallways, until they reached an exedra that housed a suit of armor. Professor McGonagall winked at it, and it saluted her, and then she simply passed right through it, disappearing into the air. Aghast, the four boys followed suit, and were astonished to find a large chamber hidden on the other side. Vats of steaming water sat at intervals throughout the room, and little house elves scurried around them.

"You will be helping with the laundry each morning, during breakfast, as well as during lunch," Professor McGonagall explained, motioning towards the activities of the room. "You will arrive here at 6:30am promptly, where you will have twenty minutes to eat the provided breakfast before beginning your tasks for the day. You will return during your lunch break, and be given lunch as you leave to eat during the subsequent class. This will continue for two weeks. For every minute that you are late on any given morning, you will receive an extra day of laundry duty. Is this clear?"

"Yes, Professor," all four boys echoed sullenly.

"Excellent, you are dismissed for the evening," she said, waving them away.

They exited the laundry room and made their way to Gryffindor Tower, where they immediately began working on their homework. None of them dared to admit how bored they were, or how much they would love to be out in the open air once more.

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 _A/N: P.S. I keep meaning to say this but it feels so strange. I've made a Ko-Fi account so if you're enjoying this story, please feel free to shoot me some caffeine - it might even get me writing more!_  
 _ko-fi/owlwaysandforever_


	5. Ch 5: Furry Little Problem

_**A/N:** Well, would you look at that, I've actually managed to finish this chapter on time! Cheers to sticking to the posting schedule, hopefully I can keep it going next week too..._

 _This chapter is... well, all the angst. Lots of feels, lots of bonding between the boys. The title is a pretty big giveaway for what happens in this chapter. Inspiration comes from a tumblr gifset by siriusblackaf, which I believe was based on an incorrect quotes post. It also marks the last chapter of their 2nd year at Hogwarts, so when we return (hopefully on time) we'll have some excited third years on our hands!_

 _Anyway, that's really all my notes for this chapter. A friendly reminder that comments and favourites are ALWAYS appreciated, and if you really like story, feel free to recommend it to a friend. (And if you really really like the story, hit me up on Ko-Fi). So that's all and enjoy the chapter!_

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"I'm worried about Remus," James said in a hushed tone as the Gryffindor boys all got ready for bed.

All except Remus, who had been ushered away by Professor McGonagall in the middle of dinner, muttering something about a family emergency. He was careful to keep his voice low, so that Lance and Firmin, who had the farthest beds from them, wouldn't hear. At least, he hoped they would hear, and if they did hear, they would know enough to butt out.

"It seems like every month he's sick," James continued, "or there's an emergency, or something that calls him away, and he always comes back looking deathly."

"I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about," Peter said dismissively, but he stopped folding his sheets down and caught his own reflection in the glass of the window.

"How can you say that?" James hissed, staring at Peter with wide eyes. "He looks dreadful for days on end, what if there's something seriously wrong with him?"

"Then it's his decision whether or not to tell us," Peter argued, turning to face James.

"I think James is right," Sirius said thoughtfully, looking between his two friends. "Something seems off, and I think we should... check in. It'll show that we care about him, that we noticed and are concerned."

"Or it'll show that you have no respect for his privacy," Peter said, looking thoroughly disappointed. "What if it has something to do with Zeva? What if, I don't know, what if he's going to visit her grave with his parents or something? Don't you think he has the right to try to process the fact that his little sister died however he needs without you two butting in and telling him how dreadful he looks every time."

"Well why keep it secret, and why go on weeknights?" Sirius rebutted, trying to think it all through.

"I don't know why, maybe she really liked the full moon or something," Peter said, but he instantly knew he had given too much up. It would be the hint that gave it all away. He quickly tried to cover it up and steamrolled on. "But it doesn't matter, he ought to be allowed to grieve privately if he wants to. It's none of our business."

"He is always gone at the full moon," James whispered, looking at Peter as if he were bathed in light.

"I – I don't know, I never noticed," Peter denied hastily. "It was just a suggestion that maybe his sister –"

"No, Peter, you're right, I'm sure of it," James said, shaking his head. He got up and walked to the window, just to be certain, and sure enough, hanging in the sky was a great big full moon.

"You don't think...?" Sirius gasped, turning toward his friend.

"The school would never allow it," James answered, trying to make sense of it all. "We can't just ask him if he is, can you imagine how it would look if he isn't?"

"But we have to talk to him though," Sirius asserted.

Remus thought his friends were acting very strangely the next day. He was tired and sore from his transformation, and even though Madam Pomfrey had mended all his cuts and lacerations, he still felt like his body had been put through a shredder. Sirius, James and Peter hardly spoke during the whole day, their usual antics set aside for reasons unbeknownst to him. He thought that perhaps something had happened while he was gone, a fight or some late night that had deprived them of sleep, so he wasn't terribly concerned. Until dinner, when his gut began to fill with dread at the furtive glances James and Sirius were giving each other, and him. Peter seemed removed from whatever was happening, looking pointedly at his plate of food, and resolutely ignoring James and Sirius.

They all trudged along in silence back toward Gryffindor Tower, and Remus didn't want to be the one to break it, so he just followed their lead, smiling lightly at Peter, who seemed extraordinarily sullen. They were only a few floors away when James and Sirius ducked into an empty classroom with no warning. Remus gave Peter a curious look, but his friend just sighed heavily and followed the others into the room. Remus gulped, trying to tell himself that they couldn't possibly know, that he was safe, that these were his friends, and they were probably just pulling some prank on him. Merlin, please let it just be a prank. He took a deep breath and followed the others into the room, the door swinging shut behind him with a heavy thunk.

James and Sirius stood together by the professor's desk, arms crossed and stern expressions on their face, while Peter leaned against the chalkboard behind them, determinedly looking at his shoes.

"Don't do this," Peter hissed quietly, and Remus' heart dropped into his stomach.

"Remus, we know something's going on," James announced, looking defiant and completely utterly sure of himself. So very much the opposite of how Remus felt.

"We think we know what it is," Sirius continued, his body language mimicking James'. "But we'd rather you told us yourself."

"I dunno what you're talking about," Remus denied quickly, trying very hard not to let the panic show on his face.

"Yes you do," James insisted. "Come on, Remus, all the nights away, saying that you're sick or you have to see family. And it's always on a full moon. You don't think we'd eventually catch on that our best friend disappears once a month? Didn't think we'd see the pattern?"

"I'd hoped..." Remus said quietly, not daring to look at them. "How long have you known?"

"It's true then, you're a werewolf," Sirius gasped, his voice low in surprise, and Remus nodded in shame.

"We just figured it out last night," James answered, elbowing Sirius sharply.

Peter shifted a little behind them, catching Remus' attention and Remus narrowed his eyes, focusing lasering in on him.

"Peter?" he asked sharply.

"I figured it out around Christmas," Peter admitted, pushing away from the wall. "Things didn't seem to add up and then you were gone all night and...something just clicked for me I guess. I didn't say anything though, I promise."

James and Sirius both gaped at Peter, and from their expressions, Remus knew that what Peter had said was true. He hadn't told them anything about his suspicions, they had all figured it out on their own.

"So now what?" Remus asked, scuffing his shoe along the ground.

"What do you mean?" Sirius replied, cocking his head, and James and Peter both looked equally confused beside him.

"Well, what are you going to do?" Remus said. "The staff all know about me, but I can't ask you to keep my secret. You could tell the whole school and have me thrown out."

"Of course we're not going to have you kicked out!" Sirius exclaimed. "Why would we do that? It'd only spoil our fun. Or have you already forgotten our late night mattress escapades?"

"Because... I'm a monster," Remus replied simply, his shoulders sagging in defeat. He was despicable, nothing could convince him otherwise.

"Remus, you're not a monster," Peter said, reaching out to touch his friend's arm, but Remus shied away.

"I'm not a stuffed animal!" Remus snapped, annoyed that the other boys didn't seem to understand how abhorrent he was. "I could kill people and I would have no control over it! I could bite someone, make them like me..."

"You're being dramatic," James scoffed. "You fold your socks, Remus. Forgive me if I'm not trembling at the sight of you."

James shook his hands, pretending to quake with fear, over the top and obviously fake. Sirius laughed heartily and Peter grinned, but Remus felt stunned.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" Remus asked, stammering through the words. "You don't...and...I mean...I could be really dangerous! I am really dangerous!"

"Really, Remus," Sirius teased, "what part of 'you fold your socks' isn't getting through? Besides, its not like you transform spontaneously. We've got a pretty good idea of when it'll happen, which makes it right easy to avoid you."

"Then surely you must despise me," Remus added, shaking his head. "Werewolves aren't exactly popular."

"We don't hate you," Peter said kindly, looking at Remus with wide and sincere eyes. "We could never hate you for this. You're still the same Remus you've always been –"

"Except when you're not," James joked, and Peter shot him a nasty look that said this-is-not-the-time-for-jokes.

"It doesn't change anything," Peter insisted, and James and Sirius nodded in agreement. "And you never have to worry about us telling anyone, we wouldn't do that to you."

"But... but..." Remus stammered, unable to accept their words as truth.

"Remus, mate, we're your best friends," James said, putting his hands on Remus' shoulders and looking him dead in the eye. "You're going to have to try a lot harder than that to get rid of us, yeah?"

Remus cracked a small smile then, feeling like crying at the generosity and acceptance of his friends. He had a feeling it wasn't the end of the discussion – they would be curious about things, inevitably, and he would always have some doubts – but for now, it was enough that they said they wanted him to stick around anyway.

James looked remarkably pleased with himself, as if this conversation resolved everything, and perhaps for him it did. He was often like that – everything was black and white, and he was quick to bounce back. At least on the outside, things never seemed to bother James for long.

Neither Peter or Sirius seemed to share James' levity. The former looked guilt-ridden, worried that Remus might blame him. If he hadn't made that blasted comment about the moon, James might never have put it all together. Well, maybe not never, but certainly not that night. He really should have kept his mouth shut, should have done a better job protecting Remus, protecting his friend.

"It's alright, Peter," Remus said to the other boy, drawing closer. "Thank you for not telling them."

"But –" Peter began to protest, but Remus just shook his head.

"You're a good friend," he continued, his eyes tearing up a little bit, "and I don't think you'll ever know how much it means to me that you just didn't say anything – not to me, not to them – without even asking any questions. Not many people would have done that."

Peter only nodded, seeming about as choked up as Remus felt, and the significance of the moment passed between them. Then it had drifted away into the air, Peter grabbed his bag from the desk and left the room, James hurrying to follow, sensing the awkwardness building between Remus and Sirius.

Darkness had descended on Sirius' features, surrounding him like a black veil. His grey eyes had hardened to steel and his eyebrows had begun to twitch inward, like they were fighting the anger brewing in his belly.

"I know you're mad at me," Remus said, once Peter and James were gone. He seemed to realize that he had grabbed Sirius' sleeve and let go quickly. "You think I'm a monster, I get it. I am a monster."

"Remus, I'm not mad at you. I meant what I said earlier - you're not a monster and I don't hate you," Sirius answered, but he couldn't seem to meet his friend's eye.

"You've been silent and sulky all night," Remus countered, pulling his own sleeves down over his hands and balling them in his fists. "You can't even look at me!"

"I'm not mad," Sirius repeated unconvincingly.

"I know you are!" Remus said, his voice rising dangerously. "Just tell me that you hate me! Be honest! Tell me that you think what I am is disgusting. I can handle it."

"Remus, I don't give a rat's bollocks about your - your furry little problem!" Sirius shouted back, stepping closer to Remus. "Okay? So just drop it."

"Then... why are you mad?" Remus asked, trying not to hope too much that his words were true.

"I just... I care that you didn't think you could trust me enough to tell me," Sirius shrugged, looking out the window.

"Sirius, I -"

"No, I get it, you don't tell anyone, I just..." Sirius shook his head, trying to keep his eyes from tearing up, "I thought we were more than that. I thought we didn't have secrets."

"Sirius," Remus said quietly, taking a step closer to his friend and reaching out for his sleeve, "there are some things we just don't tell anyone. We all have our secrets, don't we?"

"There's nothing -"

"You have secrets too," Remus insisted, "And that's okay, I won't press you, but I promise that when you're ready, you can tell me anything. But I didn't want this to get out, I didn't know how you guys would react. The wizarding world isn't very accepting of... of people with my condition."

Sirius spun away from Remus, grinding his teeth together and running his fingers through his curls.

"You should have trusted us," Sirius argued.

"I didn't know if I could," Remus answered, trying to make Sirius understand.

"How could you not know?" Sirius snapped, pulling his arm out of Remus' grip, and turning to pace the classroom as his agitation grew.

"You and James are pureblood," Remus sighed, "I know what your families taught you. Think about what you said last year, about halfbreeds."

"I've changed since last year," Sirius snarled.

"This is a hard thing to just unlearn," Remus countered. "Prejudice against my kind runs deep, Sirius."

"You should have known it would be different for you though," Sirius said, changing tactics. "You're our best mate, we would never hate you for something like this."

"Oh, so if it was someone else, you would think they were a monster?" Remus questioned, his usually mild temper rising. "If it were Lance? You're not all that fond of him, so you'd probably hate him, right?"

"No, I wouldn't," Sirius insisted, clenching his jaw, his pride getting the better of him.

"Fine," Remus huffed, crossing his arms.

"Don't be like that," Sirius said, irritation mounting.

"Like what?" Remus snapped.

"All mad at me and stuff," Sirius answered.

"Well you're making me mad!" Remus said.

"Why?"

"Because you're impossible!" he replied, plopping down at somebody's desk. "You shouldn't think that werew - that people like me aren't monsters just because you like me. You should... you should think that because they aren't. Because its this horrible thing that they're forced into and they get no choice and if we could cure it we would, but..."

"Remus, I swear I don't think werewolves are monsters," Sirius insisted.

They stared each other down for a few seconds, trying to read each other's minds. Eventually Remus sighed, sinking into a chair, his annoyance dissipating.

"Okay," Remus conceded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could trust us," Sirius answered, sitting down next to Remus and nudging him with his shoulder.

"We should go study with the others," Remus said after a few moments of quiet. "They'll wonder where we are."

"Or we can sneak down to the kitchens and get some more crumble," Sirius suggested, raising his eyebrows excitedly.

"No, we need to write this essay for Binns," Remus replied.

"Why? It's not like he's going to notice," Sirius joked.

"Come on, let's just go get it done."

The two boys stood and walked out of the classroom, making their way to Gryffindor Tower and ducking into the common room. James and Peter had already pulled out their books and were working diligently, although James kept looking around the room distractedly. Sirius found it hard to focus on the impossibly dull essay Binns had set them, despite Remus' admonishments every time he got distracted. Who cared about the stupid witch trials anyway? It was like nine hundred years ago. Sirius wished they could learn about something more relevant. Things felt more intense lately, like all the professors in the school were worried about something big happening. He had no idea what it might be, but it had to be significant for the whole teaching staff to be concerned. The older students seemed stressed as well, more than just worrying about the NEWTs. Whatever was going on, it was affecting everyone, and Sirius didn't want to be left out.


	6. Ch 6: A New Look

**A/N:** _Okay, well only a day late, which I think is not bad for a chapter I hadn't even started a week ago! This is a bit of a lighter chapter, no angst thats too heavy here. **Reminder: we are now in the third year of Hogwarts!** Some of the inspiration for this chapter did come from two tumblr posts, so credit to those people and a big thanks from me!_

 _Looking forward, there's some good news and bad. On the plus side, the next chapter is about halfway written already, so I feel fairly optimistic about finishing it soon. On the down side, however, I'm moving next week, so I'll be spending Wednesday in a car, which means I most likely won't get to update until Thursday. So bear with me, and hopefully this chapter is enough to tide you over!_

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James felt self-conscious as he walked into the Great Hall. His parents had gotten special permission for him to join the rest of the school at Hogsmeade instead of taking the train, since they were getting back from their vacation in Mustique that morning, and he'd had to go to the doctor before he could depart. He could imagine that Professor Dumbledore hadn't been very keen on the idea, but his mother typically had a way of getting what she wanted from people. But then she had kept delaying and delaying all afternoon, saying that they had ages before the train got to Hogsmeade, and of course they had time for one last family dinner. The end result was that James arrived in Hogsmeade with his father just as the last students were piling into carriages, all his friends already on their way up to the castle.

James clambered into the last carriage alone, trying not to fidget too much with the frames around his eyes. It was only a few minutes up to the castle, but it felt like an eternity without people there to laugh with. His carriage finally pulled up to the doors and he followed the other students through the Entrance Hall, scanning the crowd for his friends, to no avail. He paused in front of the door to the Great Hall, his heart pounding in his chest, and he quickly snatched the glasses from his face and tucked them into the pocket of his robes. He didn't want to walk in last _and_ look like a freak.

The world grew hazy around him, like he was looking at everything through a thin sheet of frosted glass, but James knew where he was going by force of habit. He squinted as he walked along Gryffindor table, trying to find his friends. Eventually he saw the fuzz of Sirius' curls, and the very blurry faces of Remus and Peter across from him. He plopped down into the space next to Sirius, and began looking around the room (or at least pretending to).

"Where've you been?" Sirius asked, his head swiveling to face James.

"With my parents, we got back from vacation late so they brought me to Hogsmeade," he explained, trying to find Sirius' eyes.

The Sorting started, and the Great Hall became a yo-yo of hushed silences and exploding cheers as new first-years joined their houses.

"Dude, what is going on with you?" Sirius laughed, and James assumed that something he was doing was not quite right.

"What do you mean?" he asked, colour rising in his cheeks slightly.

"Your eyes, they're all squinty and you keep looking at my eyebrows," Sirius said, and James couldn't see the expression on his face but if he would guess it probably be some kind of mirthful confusion.

"I got glasses," he whispered, pulling them out of his pocket and laying them carefully on the table.

"Well then why aren't you wearing them?" Sirius asked.

"I just don't want to," James said, trying to shove his glasses back into his pocket.

"Oh come on, mate, don't be silly," Sirius scoffed, grabbing James' hand and yanking his glasses away from him. He unfolded them and unceremoniously rammed them onto James' face. "There, much better."

James shook his head slightly, looking down into his lap. He didn't want the others to see how watery his eyes had become, and not just from the roughness of Sirius' technique.

"Why don't you want to wear them?" Remus asked quietly, leaning across the table.

"I don't want to be made fun of," James admitted, feeling at least comfortable enough among his best friends to tell them the truth.

"Come off it," Sirius laughed, and Remus flashed him a very critical look.

James looked unsure, remembering being a young child in the pureblood community and feeling very much the outsider.

"It's alright James, all of us have been made fun of at some point," Remus said, and Peter nodded along beside him. "No one can be liked by everyone."

"I guess," James agreed, thinking, not for the first time, that Remus was uncommonly wise for a third-year.

"Just don't listen to them," Peter advised. "Anyone who makes fun of you for having glasses doesn't matter anyway."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, "plus we can always cast the horn tongue hex on them, and then they won't be saying much of anything."

All four boys giggled lightly at the idea, and James felt much better about his new glasses. They turned their attention to the Sorting in time to see Idella Sexton join Gryffindor. They clapped and cheered along with the rest of their house as she sat amongst them, and then paid very little attention to the rest of the ceremony and the feast that lay ahead.

On the morning of the first day of classes, the third-year boys stepped into the Transfiguration classroom to find names hovering in shimmering letters above each seat. Assigned places. Groans echoed through the students as they all realized what was happening. In their first two years, they'd been allowed to pick their own seats in every class, but now for some reason that had changed. This year, the Gryffindors were sharing their Transfiguration class time with the Ravenclaws, and they could see that they were all going to be sitting mixed in with each other.

James was surprised to find that he, Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting next to each other. James took his seat – the second seat in the second row – and as he did his name blinked out of the air. Mirabelle Faulkner plopped into the seat to his right, tapping her long fingernails on the glossy oak desk impatiently.

"I'm surprised McGonagall let us all sit together," James whispered, leaning across Sirius so that Remus and Peter could hear him.

"She probably knew you'd be even more disruptive if you were separated," Lily hissed from in front of them. "Now please, be _quiet_."

Sirius snickered, thinking about how much fun it would be to annoy Lily all year long, but his musings were brought short as Professor McGonagall swept into the classroom, coming to a stop in front of her desk.

"You will have noticed," she began, her voice dominating the room, "that I have assigned seating for this year, and you may be wondering why that is. This year's material will be more difficult than anything you have come across before, and you will all be pushed to your limits. For this reason, I have tried to pair my students according to ability, and those whom I feel could help others to reach their full potential."

James understood what she meant – the stronger students were being paired with weaker students. His first instinct was that it was unfair that he should have to suffer because his partner struggled, and from the surprised expressions around the room, he was sure he wasn't the only one who felt that way. But as he thought about it more, it occurred to him that it might not be the worst thing. At least, if it were a class he struggled in, he certainly wouldn't mind the help either. He looked over at Mirabelle, his new partner for the year, and thought he could have done much worse. She might not be the best at transfiguration, but she was pretty competent overall, and they got along decently well. And who knows, maybe she would teach him some of her badass defensive jinxes.

"Today," Professor McGonagall continued, cueing the students to settle down, "we will go over the curriculum for the year, and then begin the first of our lessons."

In a flurry of movement, students began pulling rolls of parchment and quills out of their bags, ready to take notes on anything that seemed important. In Professor McGonagall's class, that usually meant everything.

"We'll start the year by transforming the _state_ of an object, before progressing to animal-to-object transformations," she said, waving her wand so that words appeared on the chalkboard behind her. "Finally, we will end the year by discussing human transfigurations, namely, Animagi. We will _not_ be learning the process of becoming an Animagus this year. Are there any questions so far?"

No one spoke up, which Professor McGonagall took as her cue to continue with the lecture.

"Now then, today we will begin by learning _duro_. Can anyone tell me what this spell does?"

Lily raised her hand, and acting on instinct, Sirius leaned over his desk and slapped her hand in a high five. She turned to face him, her mouth gaping in shock, confusion, and anger. Sirius laughed, and James chuckled beside him – it was difficult not to fin Lily's expression amusing.

"Miss Evans?" Professor McGonagall asked, and Lily whipped her head around to face the front, her braid swinging broadly.

"Um, _duro_ turns things to stone, Professor," Lily answered, her brows furrowing as she tried to refocus on the lesson.

"Not the most eloquently put, but yes," Professor McGonagall said, and Lily blushed slightly at the criticism. " _Duro_ does indeed turn objects, living and inanimate alike, to stone, or rather it transfigures them to have a stone-like nature. All objects are created of particles that vibrate at a natural frequency – the faster the vibration, the more impenetrable and inflexible the object. _Duro_ essentially increases the particle vibration the maximum possible, so that the object has the appearance and texture of stone."

Quills scratched against parchment, everyone trying to write down as much information as possible. Transfiguration homework was notoriously difficult to do without adequate notes.

"I must warn you," she continued, giving them all her most stern look, "that while using this spell on living beings is possible, it is not advisable, as doing so would be fatal. If any of you attempt to use this spell in such a manner, you will be met with the _most_ severe repercussions."

The room felt noticeably cooler, the gravity of her words sinking in. Professor McGonagall was not one for exaggeration or idle warnings.

"Now, as you become more proficient in casting _duro_ , you will be able to control the degree to which your object hardens, and the appearance it takes on," she said. "You can transfigure objects to marble, sandstone, limestone, and a variety of other materials. Exceptionally skilled wizards may even be able to transfigure their objects to glass, steel, or rare and valuable substances such as diamond. It is important to note that per section 142 of the International Trade and Foreign Exchange Agreement set forth by the International Confederation of Wizards, the use of _duro_ to increase the value of an object for sale is forbidden."

As Professor McGonagall kept talking, the sound of quills scratching on parchment filled the air. They covered a great deal about the theory behind the spell, as well as a few more details about the history (particularly of how it could go wrong) and legal aspects. Eventually, Professor McGonagall dismissed them – about five minutes before they were due to finish class – and shared that they would begin attempting the transfiguration during their next lesson.

James plopped down heavily on the wooden bench at the Gryffindor table, his friends joining him on either side. He felt exhausted, his mind worn down by the day's lessons, and it was only the first day of school. Why was it so much harder this year? He felt like he would spend every second of his time studying, which was a real bummer, because he'd been hoping to try out for the quidditch team this year. But he had no idea how he could manage it. He groaned and dropped his head into his hands, letting the fatigue wash over him in waves.

"You okay, mate?" Remus asked, eyeing James carefully.

He shrugged and took his glasses off, massaging his closed eyelids gently with his fingertips.

"I'm fine," he answered, trying to shake off the lethargy. "I just didn't expect this year to be so much harder."

"It'll get easier in time," Remus assured him, patting his hand. "They're just throwing a lot at us because they think we've gotten lazy over the summer holidays."

"Maybe..." James said, biting his lip – he wasn't entirely convinced.

Sirius joined them, having stopped to talk to Marlene for a bit on the way, and he flopped into the seat next to James. He snatched up a chicken wing and began tearing into it, running a hand through his errant curls. James quickly replaced his glasses, trying to clear his mind.

"So," Sirius began through a mouthful of chicken, complete unaware of the conversation that had been taking place, "what do you think would happen if you put a werewolf on the moon?"

Remus stared at Sirius, his mouth open in a little 'o' of surprise as the colour drained from his cheeks.

"He'd explode, Siri, there's no atmosphere on the moon," Peter sighed, reciting the information that he had learned while he was at muggle schools.

"Oh Petey-Pie, I never said we would send him up there without a bubblehead charm," Sirius trilled, reaching for another wing. "I'm not cruel."

"Right, forcing a werewolf to endure unending agony by putting him on the moon," James snapped, surprising everyone, including himself.

"Who says it'd be agony?" Sirius retorted, never one to back down from a challenge.

"It's just logical, isn't it?" James replied, turning to face Sirius. "If the full moon is what causes him to change, he'd be forced to constantly be in his werewolf form. And since the proximity to the moon is much closer, the effects would probably be amplified. It'd be worse than transforming on earth, and it would never stop."

"Bloody hell, those glasses really have turned you into a know-it-all," Sirius teased, whistling long and low.

"Shut up," James muttered, adjusting his glasses.

"See, maybe it's the sight of the full moon that makes them change though," Sirius pressed on, ignoring the look on Remus' face. "And if he was _on_ the moon, then he wouldn't be able to see the whole thing. So he wouldn't transform. Remus what do you think?"

Sirius looked at Remus, and its like his eyes were steel, glistening, glinting, hard. There was an edge in them, like he was daring Remus to refuse him. Whatever it was, whatever mania gripped Sirius, it scared Remus a little bit.

"It's not the sight," Remus finally said, closing his eyes on Sirius' victorious expression. "Werewolves will transform if they're inside or outside, regardless of weather. Blindfolding them wouldn't make a bit of difference. But it'd be nice if it were that easy."

"Fine, but its still possible that somehow whatever it is that makes them transform would be negated by being on the moon," Sirius insisted, not willing to back down.

"I guess," Remus conceded with a shrug. "No one really knows what the mechanism is."

"That's rubbish, innit?" Sirius said, but he still looked victorious.

"You have no idea," Remus sighed, looking at James and Peter, who had very apprehensive looks on their faces. \

"C'mon, let's just eat dinner, I want to get an early start on homework," Peter suggested, bringing all their attention round to the rather gloomy task of the essays they'd been set.

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 **A/N:** _A friendly reminder that feedback is ALWAYS appreciated, and if you really like story, feel free to recommend it to a friend. (And if you really really like the story, hit me up on Ko-Fi)._


	7. Ch 7: Peter's Plan

**A/N:** _The best laid plans, am I right? I sincerely apologize for the long delay here, its been a lot of one thing after another. Between moving, and traveling, my computer breaking, and some family news, things have been a little bit crazy. I finally finished the next chapter today, but I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer (it's been long enough). So looking forward... the next chapter is almost done, but I'm going to wait until next Wednesday to post it, to give myself time to edit and stuff. So next chapter on 4/10. Depending on how things look next Wednesday, I'm going to make a decision as to whether or not to keep this weekly, or switch to every other week. I hate keeping you guys waiting, but I want to make sure I have adequate time to write these chapters properly. But, like I said, we'll see how things look next week._

 _As always, comments are always welcome, and very much appreciated (even if it's just one word), so please let me know what you're thinking!_

 _Now that that's settled, I don't really have any other notes for this chapter, so enjoy, and I hope you like it!_

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November rolled around bringing with it a plague of scorch throat, and Sirius was delighted when he came down with it right around the full moon. He might not be able to be with Remus while he transformed, but at least Sirius could be with him while he recovered in the hospital wing. He tried to make Remus laugh by exhaling flames with every word he spoke, hiding the winces each time he felt the burn tear through his throat. It was worth it to see even the most fleeting of smiles on his friend's face.

That month, the full moon was worse than it had been before, and Remus had been sick the whole day leading up to it. He'd woken in the middle of the night vomiting from the pain, and he had rushed to the hospital wing, settling in the bed next to Sirius until sunset.

"I wish there was something we could do to make Remus feel better," James sighed as he and Peter trudged through the chilly halls to class.

"We try to help him get better as much as we can," Peter answered, sadness passing over his face despite his words. "And we help him with homework and notes and stuff so he doesn't fall behind."

"I know, I just... those transformations must be bloody awful, and I wish there was something we could do to make them easier," James said.

"What happens if he bites an animal while he's transformed?" Peter asked, an idea nipping at the edge of his mind.

"Nothing," James answered with a shrug. "Well, not nothing, but they don't get, you know, _infected_."

"So animals can't become werewolves?" Peter clarified, chewing on his cheek slightly.

"No, only humans," James said, Peter's line of questioning lost on him.

"What do you think would happen if he bit a person who was transfigured into an animal?" Peter continued, not entirely sure about what he was suggesting.

"Dunno," James said, cocking his head to one side. "Why? What are you thinking?"

"Well, just that, if animals are immune to lycanthropy, and wizards take on all the traits of animals when they... morph into them or whatever... well would that mean that they couldn't be infected while they were in animal form?"

Peter looked nervous as he asked the question, as if concerned that James would laugh and say he was being ridiculous.

"I'm not sure," James answered. "No one really knows how much you change. But I think... I don't think so, I mean they're still human, right? You don't really turn _into_ the animal, you just take their form. But genetically, you'd still be human, so I think you could be infected."

"But what if you can't though?" Peter pushed, feeling a little more confident in his idea.

"Well, it'd still be pretty risky," James said. "I mean, werewolves are still pretty lethal, you could still get mauled or eaten or something."

"Yeah, but maybe not," Peter proposed, a bright glint in his eye.

They had reached the door of the Charms classroom, and the two boys ducked inside, filing into their seats. Peter mulled things over in his mind as the class continued, unable to focus on their lesson about Cheering Charms.

About halfway through the class, Professor Flitwick asked a question that Peter didn't hear. Lily's hand shot into the air, and Peter watched as James reached up from his seat next to her and slapped her palm in a hard high-five. Lily let out an annoyed huff, but she didn't acknowledge James' action in any other way, her hand never wavering. James grinned happily and leaned back in his chair, pushing the front two feet up into the air slightly.

"You are a complete _arse_ , Potter," Lily hissed, after she had answered Professor Flitwick's question, the satisfied smile slipping from her face.

"C'mon, Evans, you know I'm _charming_ ," James smirked, and she rolled her eyes in response.

The rest of the class, and the day, passed in a bit of a blur. Peter felt unfocused, his mind drifting away at every opportunity, and he couldn't have brought it back if his life depended on it. As he went through the motions of going to class, eating dinner, even visiting Sirius, Peter's thoughts kept returning to Remus, trying to piece together a way to help him.

Once the other Gryffindor boys had all fallen asleep, a chorus of snores echoing from James, Lance, and Firmin's beds, Peter decided he had to have an answer to the question burning in his heart. He leaned over and grabbed a pair of socks from his trunk, sliding them off his feet, and then slipped silently through the dormitory. It must have been later than he realized, as the common room was nearly empty, and the few students who were there paid no attention to Peter as he snuck through the portrait hole.

"Going somewhere?" the Fat Lady asked, as the portrait closed behind Peter.

"I need to see Professor McGonagall," he squeaked in surprise.

"You'd better hope that no one else finds you along the way," she answered, giving him a curious look.

Peter didn't wait to find out what her expression meant, turning on his heel and walking quickly down the hall. He reached the door of Professor McGonagall's office without incident, and he took a deep breath as he raised a small fist to knock on the ancient wood.

It was a long moment before the door opened, Professor McGonagall standing on the other side in a tartan dressing gown. Peter had a flurry of nerves as he saw her, suddenly wondering why he hadn't just waited until morning to do this.

"What are you doing out of bed so late, Mr. Pettigrew?" Professor McGonagall asked, as she looked at the young boy in front of her.

"Professor, you know how on our first day of class in first year you turned into a cat and back?" Peter said, shuffling his feet nervously.

"Yes, Mr. Pettigrew, I vaguely remember," she answered dryly.

"What's that called again?"

"An animagus, Mr. Pettigrew, you ought to pay better attention," she chided, although she was not surprised. First years were almost always too nervous or excited to pay much attention on the first day of school. Those with nonmagical upbringings hardly ever remembered anything about animagi until they began to cover it much later on.

"Right, well, I was wondering... if a werewolf bit an animagus while they were an animal, would they become a werewolf too?" Peter asked, trying to seem as casual as possible.

"Why do you ask?" She raised an eyebrow at him, immediately suspicious of his question.

"I was... reading about werewolves and it said only people can be affected."

Professor McGonagall seemed surprised that he had retained this information, or indeed been reading about anything academic other than the passages that his coursework dictated.

"You were reading about werewolves?" she clarified. "A topic which is somewhat beyond your current education level?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Mr. Pettigrew, if you think –"

"I don't," Peter said hurriedly. "And if I did I wouldn't tell a soul. It wouldn't be right. But I don't. It's just a... a hobby. An interest."

"Well, Mr. Pettigrew, I must assure you that you are quite safe from werewolf attacks, and needn't worry –"

"I'm not worried, Professor, I was just curious... it must be lonely for them..." he explained, lost in his thoughts for a moment.

"Since I see very few instances of curiosity from you, Mr. Pettigrew, I feel inclined to encourage it by answering your question, but only if you stop interrupting me," Professor McGonagall said sternly. "I do not believe that a wizard, bitten while in his or her animagus form, would be inflicted with lycanthropy, no. They are, physically, the animal they appear to be, with its traits, including, I believe, immunity from lycanthropy. Of course, no study has ever been performed on the subject. It would be incredibly dangerous, and as such, not many would volunteer for it."

"Thank you, Professor," Peter said sincerely, turning to leave her office.

Professor McGonagall watched him go, his words sticking in her mind, and she considered the young Gryffindor currently alone in the Shrieking Shack. Peter had a point, Minerva couldn't even imagine how terrifying it had to be, transforming into something so wild and uncontrollable, doing so alone. In an instant, she knew what she had to do.

Minerva left her office, pulling her warm, tartan cloak from its place on the coat rack and wrapping it around her shoulders as she moved. She swept through the halls of the empty castle, until she stepped into the night air. A gentle rain was falling, giving the autumn air an extra bite. The moon was full overhead, visible mostly as a hazy glow through the cloud cover.

"Lumos," she whispered, the tip of her wand igniting, lighting her path.

Minerva strode through the grounds until she found the Whomping Willow. With a wave of her wand, a branch on the ground transformed into a snake and slithered to the base of the tree, pressing a knot in the trunk with its tail. Immediately, the branches of the tree stilled, and Minerva was able to step closer.

There was a small opening between the willow's roots, which Minerva knew led to a dank passage. She closed her eyes and focused on her transformation, a moment later finding herself in feline form. Quickly, she trotted through the stilled branches and down into the tunnel. It was a long trek, particularly as a cat, but it was easier than being hunched over.

Some twenty minutes later, Minerva felt the ground slope upwards beneath her paws, and she emerged into the creaking entryway of the Shrieking Shack. She could hear snarling from above, footsteps pacing back and forth. Long nails clicked against the wood, and a loud growl accompanied a crash.

Carefully, Minerva padded across the floor and up the stairs, soft creaks issuing from beneath her paws. When she reached the landing, she could see the werewolf pacing through the gap in the doorway, his claws reaching to destroy any furniture he could find. Minerva sat in the doorway, watching for a moment.

Softly, she meowed, getting his attention. _Remus_. His yellow eyes fixed on her, and for a moment his lips curled up to show his teeth, a deep rumbling echoing in his chest, but then he paused. A hint of recognition seemed to cross his face, and his muscles relaxed a little.

Remus returned to pacing the room, but he seemed less frantic, less agitated. After he passed by her for the third time, Remus stopped in front of Minerva, staring at her, and growled lightly. But it was more of a conversation than a threat, like he was trying to tell her how frustrated he felt, how angry, how scared.

They spent a few hours this way, in passing conversation of sorts, before Remus curled up on the floor, huffing heavily. Minerva crept closer to him and leapt onto the sole in tact chair, curling up herself. She meowed softly once more and watched Remus close his eyes, watching over him as he drifted off.


	8. Ch 8: Firewhiskey Breath

_**A/N:** Hey, look at that! I got the chapter up on time! Woohoo! This is a pretty long chapter, and there's a lot going on in it. Hopefully you guys think it's well done! Hit me up with thoughts and comments! :)_

 _ **Warnings:** Discussions of violence and descriptions of alcohol/drinking_

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The end of March was cold and dreary, and brought with it a cold change in the castle. The newspapers were darker, more foreboding, and students seemed to divide themselves, staring at the each other with suspicious eyes. Fault lines in the students and the staff were becoming more clear, and the castle felt like it was waiting on bated breath for something more to happen.

James returned from Quidditch practice soaked to the bone and covered in mud, barely hearing anything as he trudged through the halls of the castle. Before he even made it back to Gryffindor Tower, he was shivering with a feverish chill, and he sniffled every few seconds.

"You should go see Madam Pomfrey for some Pepper Up Potion," Gideon Prewett suggested, looking sideways at the young Chaser. "I can give you a pass so you don't get in trouble in the halls if you like."

"Thanks, but I'll be fine," James said, shaking his head.

"Suit yourself," Gideon replied, returning his gaze to the hall ahead of him. "But you better not be sick on Saturday, we need you to trounce Hufflepuff."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't miss it even if I had dragonpox," James grinned. He was always pleased to hear how much his captain appreciated him.

Gideon chuckled lightly, but didn't say anything, and the unusual pair continued to walk toward the Gryffindor Common Room in silence. Along the route, James thought he could hear a scuffle down a side passage, but he was more focused on the ache filling his bones and the thought of collapsing into his warm, waiting bed.

"Go ahead," Gideon said suddenly, his attention turning toward the faint noise. "Straight back to the Common Room, mind. No detours, Potter, I mean it."

James nodded, and though Gideon's command piqued his curiosity slightly, he felt far too crummy to think about doing anything mischievous. He continued trudging along, almost bumping into the portrait of the Fat Lady as his eyes began to drift shut from exhaustion.

"Puffapod," James mumbled, not even seeing the pitying smile the Fat Lady gave him as he nearly fell through the portrait hole.

The Gryffindor Common Room was a mess of noise, with Gryffindors studying and laughing. Sirius, Remus and Peter were in the corner, with Sirius practically climbing on top of Remus, who was adamantly trying to focus on the essay in front of him, while Peter laughed and tried to snatch the essay away. Lily was seated at one of the tables, looking sombre as she talked to Rosaline, something serious clearly on her mind. Marlene McKinnon was sprawled across the couch, chucking popcorn at Sirius absentmindedly while she talked to Enoch Audley, who had a typically sour expression on his face.

James marched past all of them, the sound suffocating against his stuffed sinuses, and wearily climbed the stairs to the boys' dormitory. He barely managed to pull his robes off and snuggle into his flannel pajamas before he collapsed on his bed, pulling his heavy blankets up to his chin.

When Remus awoke, it was clear that Sirius had not so much as closed his eyes in the night, and he was starting to majorly crash. He knew those nights happened sometimes, where Sirius' demons haunted him and he couldn't bear to see what was waiting in his mind once he fell asleep. It was also clear that James was very ill, and desperately needed to visit the Hospital Wing. He was shaking violently, his teeth chattering together as he shivered, despite having both his and Sirius' heavy comforters on top of him. Remus could feel the warmth of his fever radiating off of him from across the room.

"You put your blanket on him, but it didn't occur to you to call for Professor McGonagall or Madam Pomfrey?" Remus chided Sirius, who looked up at him from tired grey eyes.

"I thought the blanket would be enough," Sirius shrugged, but Remus could see the worry on his face. As nonchalant as he might try to act, James was his absolutely best friend, and Remus knew it frightened Sirius to see him so sick.

"Nevermind, I'll take him to the Hospital Wing before class, you just make sure Peter gets to Transfiguration on time," Remus said, chucking his pillow at Peter's sleeping form.

"No, I'll take James," Sirius objected, rubbing at his eyes. "I could use some Exsomnis Elixir anyway."

"Alright," Remus agreed, taking in the dark circles under Sirius' eyes. He wished he could convince him to sleep instead, but he knew Sirius would never go for it.

Remus dressed quickly, keeping his eye on Sirius, who was trying to get clean pajamas on James, peeling off his sweaty flannels and piling them in a heap by their warming stove. When he and Peter, who had dressed sleepily and as usual buttoned his robes askew, were ready to go to breakfast, Remus grabbed his bag and headed toward the door, casting a backward look at his friends. Sirius was struggling to get an unconscious James out of bed.

"Oi, don't forget, it's up to you now," Sirius called after Remus, somewhat cryptically, but Remus knew exactly what he meant, and rolled his eyes.

He closed the dormitory door behind him, just as he heard Sirius mutter a curse and then a quick _Wingardium Leviosa_ , lifting James into the air magically.

"Come on, let's move," Remus said to Peter, grabbing his arm and hurrying him along. Any second, Sirius would float James down these stairs, knocking them over if they were still standing where they were.

There was only time to grab a quick slice of toast from the Great Hall to get to Transfiguration on time, and Remus was nothing if not punctual. As they filed into their seats, Remus said a silent prayer that Lily wouldn't feel like answering any of Professor McGonagall's questions today. She had seemed rather emotional the night before, talking to Rosaline in hushed voices, and Remus thought she might even have been crying at one point. She took her seat in the row in front of him, offering Remus and Peter a small smile as she sat down.

"Good morning, everyone," Professor McGonagall said, sweeping into the room with a grim face. "Today, we will be beginning our unit on the Lapifors transfiguration. Can anyone tell me what this spell does?"

Remus raised his hand, as did a few others throughout the room. He had read the introductory paragraphs for each chapter in Intermediate Transfiguration so that he knew what each spell did. It had helped him to identify the units that he was most looking forward to, and though he remembered what Lapifors did, he wasn't overly excited about it. As Professor McGonagall looked around the room, deciding who to call on, Lily raised her hand, and Remus sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered, and Lily turned her head slightly, her eyebrows pulling down in confusion, and Remus swung the hand he had raised down in an arc, connecting sharply with Lily's raised hand.

Lily dropped her reddened hand, turning to stare at Remus with her mouth gaping. He gave her the most apologetic look he could manage, but Lily looked thoroughly betrayed. She rubbed her palm lightly as she turned around to face the front of the classroom again, her expression sullen. Professor McGonagall was looking at Remus with the utmost disapproval, but to his surprise she said nothing to him.

"Miss Fionn?" she said at last, calling on one of her students to answer the question she had posed.

"Lapifors turns objects, ideally small ones, into rabbits," Laoghaire recited, "and allows the caster to control the rabbit after the transfiguration."

"Very good, Miss Fionn," Professor McGonagall replied approvingly. "Five points to Hufflepuff. You all have small statues in front of you -" she waved her wand and a statue about eight inches tall appeared on each desk "- so you may begin attempting to transfigure them using lapifors. Instructions and diagrams are on the chalkboard." Another wave of her wand and her neat scroll appeared across the chalkboard at the front of the class, detailing the precise wand movements of the spell, as well as numerous other technical details. "I have matters to attend to, but be sure that I will be listening."

Professor McGonagall swept back out of the room and all the students exchanged looks with each other. It was unheard of for Professor McGonagall to completely leave her class in order to deal with something else, so it must mean something significant was happening, but Remus had no idea what that might be.

"You are a total jerk, Remus Lupin," Lily said, not bothering to turn around to look at him.

"I'm sorry, Lily, I am, but Sirius would never forgive me if I didn't," Remus answered, and to his surprise, Lily turned around and smiled at him.

"Alright, but next time, could you not high-five me quite so hard, please? My hand is going to be too sore to hold my wand properly for days," she teased, and Remus laughed.

"Deal," he said, before turning his attention to focus on Professor McGonagall's instructions. "Right, so it looks like the wand movement is kind of in the shape of rabbit ears."

Remus and Peter focused on trying to get the spell right, helping each other as much as possible, and by the time Professor McGonagall returned to dismiss them, Remus had managed to make his statue grow a furry pair of ears, while Peter had gotten his to sprout a tiny white fluff of a tail.

As the third years filed out of the classroom, Remus hurried to catch up to Georgiana Laurent, with Peter trailing behind him. Georgiana smiled at the two of them, inviting Remus' questions with her open gaze.

"Do you know why McGonagall had to leave?" Remus asked her, but Georgiana shook her head, golden curls flying.

"I heard something about a little Ravenclaw girl at breakfast this morning, but I don't know why people were talking about her," she answered. "Will you be in the library later?"

"I'm not sure," Remus said. "We'll see if James and Sirius are alright."

Georgiana smiled and nodded, touching Remus' elbow lightly before turning and descending a staircase to the left, toward the dungeons for Potions class.

When Sirius hadn't returned to class by lunchtime, Remus started to grow concerned, and suggested to Peter that they use their free period in the afternoon to check up on their friends. Peter happily agreed, eager to spend his free period doing anything other than struggling with homework.

"Mr. Black is sleeping," Madam Pomfrey said the moment Remus and Peter walked through the door. "A Sleeping Draught, to give him some dreamless rest. However, Mr. Potter is awake. He had a nasty bout of phoenix flu so do be sure to see me for a dose of Pepper Up Potion on your way out. Fourth bed on your left."

Peter led the way to James' bed, screened with a quarantine shield to keep his flu from spreading to the other patients in the ward. It was charmed to be either transparent or opaque, depending on James' desire to interact with those around him, currently mostly transparent. Sirius lay sleeping on the bed next to him, snoring lightly. A few beds down and on the right, an opaque privacy screen shrouded the occupant from view, but Remus could hear sniffling from behind the screen.

"How're you feeling?" Peter asked James, slipping past the screens around his bed.

"Bit groggy, but the potion's helping," James answered, his words loose and slurred.

"I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will have you up and about in no time," Remus assured him, but his eyes flicked over to where Sirius lay resting. He looked peaceful and most unlike Sirius.

"Sooner, than Morgan in any case," James mumbled, catching both boys attention.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked, his head cocked to one side.

"Has no one heard?" James replied, astounded, and he struggled to push himself up straighter, his eyes sharpening slightly. He lowered his voice to a hush, looking over at the shrouded bed across the room. "Timothy Morgan was beaten last night, pretty badly, after Quidditch practice. Life threatening type beating. I haven't seen what he looks like, but I was here when they brought his little sister Edith in, and she hasn't left his bedside yet. And I heard some professors talking, and... I think... I think they _branded_ him. 'M' for mudblood."

"That's horrific," Peter said, his voice cracking, and he looked a little green.

Remus felt bile rising in his throat at the thought of a brand on Timothy Morgan's skin. He didn't know Timothy well, being a few years apart and in different houses, but he knew that by all accounts he was a quiet and kind boy. Not that it mattered if he were horrible, nobody deserved that kind of treatment.

"Do they..." Remus' voice faltered, and he tried again. "Do they know who did it?"

"Not officially, but I think we can all guess who it was," James answered bitterly.

"Dolohov and Nott," Peter and Remus said in unison, and James nodded in agreement.

"They're despicable," James said, a fit of coughing breaking up his words. "But I heard my parents talking when I was home last, and it sounds like more and more people are thinking like them. My father said there'll be a reckoning, that things could be worse than Grindelwald soon."

"He thinks it'll get worse?" Peter asked, sounding fearful.

"Don't you think?" James countered, a flush rising on his cheeks as his emotions mounted. "Doesn't it feel like things are just beginning?"

"I'd rather they were ending," Remus whispered, pressing the heel of his hand into his brow.

"This country will explode before there's an ending," James answered. "Bodies will fall and blood will stain the streets."

Remus stood abruptly and rushed from James' bedside, finding an empty bedpan three beds down. He retched, heaving the entire contents of his stomach, and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. His stomach clenched again, trying to make sure every ounce of bile had been expelled.

"Are you poorly?" a small voice said, and Remus looked up to see a young girl poking her head out from behind a privacy screen.

She had a kind looking face, still a bit pudgy with baby fat, all soft curves, and her dark eyes matched her chestnut waves, a blue ribbon nestled amongst them. But her eyes were sad and red-rimmed, tear tracks staining her skin from hours of crying.

"You must be Edith Morgan," Remus croaked, his throat raw from vomiting, and she nodded. "I'm sorry about what happened to your brother. Are you scared?"

"I don't understand why they hurt him," Edith answered, casting a glance over her shoulder at her brother. "I don't know if they want to hurt me too."

"Not everyone in the wizarding world is kind," Remus said, not quite an answer. "But those of us who are good will help you and keep you safe however we can."

"Thank you," she replied, tears springing to her cheeks again.

"I hope your brother gets better soon," Remus said, nodding to her before returning to James and Peter.

o . o . o

It was Peter's idea, the next night, to sneak back into the hospital wing with a bottle of firewhiskey Sirius had charmed out of Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks. What happened to Timothy Morgan had shaken all of them, and made them fearful of what might lie ahead.

It was past midnight as Sirius, Remus and Peter left Gryffindor Tower, the firewhiskey tucked carefully under Sirius' arm. He hoped that they wouldn't run into any trouble on the way, as they had not bothered to think of an excuse for being out after hours. He supposed they could tell something of the truth, that they were going to visit James, but since he was on the mend, he doubted it would get them far. At best they would be sent back to bed, with no punishment.

They snuck through the corridors as quietly as possible, careful to avoid trick stairs and certain particularly talkative portraits. For a moment, they thought the jig was up when they heard Peeves around the corner from them, but luck was on their side. They made it to the hospital wing without incident, ready to drown their heavy thoughts.

Peter pushed open the door or the infirmary as quiet as a mouse, peering around the corner to check that Madam Pomfrey was not about. She seemed to be asleep in her quarters for the moment, for there was no one in the ward but the patients, all soundly sleeping in their beds. They crept across the white linoleum soundlessly until they reached James' bed.

With a wicked grin across his face, Sirius reached out and covered James' mouth with his hand, but Remus rolled his eyes and waved his wand in the direction of Madam Pomfrey's office, whispering _muffliato_ under his breath. Sirius flicked James on the forehead, and he awoke with a start, a flash of fear passing over his features at the hand covering his mouth, before he recognized his friends huddled around him.

"What are you doing here?" James asked, shoving Sirius away from him and yawning but pushing himself upright. "Has something else happened?"

"Thought we could all use a bit of cheering up," Sirius answered, pulling the bottle of firewhiskey out with a flourish.

"You're sure we won't wake anyone?" James asked, a bit hesitant. He'd never had firewhiskey before, he was pretty sure his friends hadn't either, and he wasn't sure the best place to try it for the first time was in the middle of the Hospital Wing.

"I cast muffliato," Remus said, but he looked around the room anyway, making sure that none of the patients seemed disturbed.

Little Edith Morgan was curled up on the bed next to her brother's, refusing to return to her dorm until he awoke. She was fast asleep, her fingers twitching around the blanket in her fist as dreams played out in her mind. Next to her, Timothy was as still as ever, still looking more like a corpse than a living boy. The cuts on his face had swollen more, and the hints of bruises that had been there before were now dark and angry looking. Remus had never seen anyone look worse, or less likely to wake up.

Sirius whisked out his wand and conjured up four small tumblers, setting them town on James' nightstand and uncorking the bottle of firewhiskey. He doled out a healthy measure of the amber liquid for each of them, and handed them each a glass.

"Cheers," he said, his eyes growing darker and more serious for a minute, before he pasted a mischievous look over it.

The four boys clinked glasses lightly, before bringing the firewhiskey to their lips. Sirius downed the whole thing in one go, shaking his head slightly at the burn. Peter sniffed and wrinkled his nose, but not wanting to be left out, he drank the liquid in two gulps anyway. Following Sirius' lead, James attempted to swallow the contents of his class in one, but he coughed and spluttered, nearly spraying it across the rest of them. Remus drank more slowly, savouring the taste as much as he could, not altogether hating the burn of the firewhiskey sliding down his throat.

When all of their tumblers were empty, Sirius poured them another serving, and they drank that too. Again and again they downed the firewhiskey in silence, the bottle starting to run low. It wasn't long until the boys could feel the effects of the firewhiskey, muddling their minds and their movements. They felt like the world was blurring around them, their cares and their worries fading into the haze.

They had been quiet as they drank the first few glasses, the mood still somber after their earlier conversation. But as the alcohol loosened their tongues and clouded their judgment, they began to dissolve into a giggling mess. Somehow, the world became amusing again, instead of scary, and they were able to laugh at the ridiculousness of a wizard calling himself 'The Dark Lord'.

"Wha'f's like the Wiz'd've Oz," Peter slurred, practically cackling as the other three boys stared at him with dumbstruck expressions. "Y'know, with the guy like... and the curtain... 'n' something 'bout a horse... a painted horse..."

"Peter, what in Merlin's name are you on about?" Sirius asked, swaying unsteadily in his chair.

"I think," Remus snorted, unable to stop laughing, "I think he means the guy on the curtain... the guy... the guy in the curtain? Jus'... poof! Smoke 'n' mirrors..."

"Mirrors..." James mused, staring at his hand in fascination as he wiggled his fingers. "Mirrors are weird..."

"Bet Tomothy Mirgin isn't gon' wanna look in a mirror any time soon," Sirius guffawed, leaning back in his chair.

"No, he won't," Remus said, suddenly saddened. He looked like he might cry, his eyes shining.

"He's brave," Peter added, his tone becoming more somber.

"To Tomothy!" Sirius cheered loudly, hoisting his tumbler into the air.

"Do you think there really could be flying monkeys?" James asked, his mind spinning, his friends all answering in unison.

"No," Sirius scoffed without hesitation.

"Yes!" Peter shrieked enthusiastically.

"Maybe," Remus replied, ever the diplomat.

The four of them dissolved into a fit of laughter at the ridiculousness of giving three different answers all at the precise same time. From there, the conversations spiraled, drifting down every stray train of thought, incoherent to anyone but them. They stayed up for hours, fueling themselves with more firewhiskey any time they started to feel tired. Finally, as the sky began to lighten, Peter curled up on the bed with James, Remus leaned forward and rested his head on James' stomach, and Sirius reclined in his chair, propping his legs up on the bed.

They dozed for half an hour before James sat up abruptly, shoving the others off of him.

"Move! Move!" he hissed, vaulting out of bed.

As the others rubbed sleepily at their eyes, James scurried to the bathroom at the end of the ward. They could hear the sound of retching coming from behind the door, and a few minutes later James emerged, wiping miserably at his mouth.

"Okay, I never want to drink again," James sulked as he crawled back into bed. "You should get back to Gryffindor Tower before somebody catches you."

Remus nodded, seeing the sense in James' words, but he couldn't quite bring himself to move. Sirius groaned and wiggled onto his side as much as he could in the chair, tucking his head into his hands.

"Okay," Peter sighed, though his eyes didn't open. "Okay, let's go."

Peter swung his legs out of the bed, nudging Sirius with his feet. Remus stood, hissing at the amount of light streaming in from the windows. Together, he and Peter hauled Sirius to his feet, and James watched as the three of them struggled out of the Hospital Wing together. With a groan, he rolled over in bed, covering his eyes with one of the pillows. He imagined that as soon as the others got back to the dormitory, they would be doing much the same thing. At least it was Saturday, and they could all spend the day in bed.


	9. Ch 9: What Friends are For

_**A/N:** Well, well, well, what do we have here? A new chapters, FINALLY! What can I say guys, this one was like pulling teeth. Admittedly, there's been a lot going on the past few months - work changes and personal life stuff, and for the most part all of it good, just a bit time consuming. But it's also just been hard to find the inspiration for this story lately. Don't get me wrong, I still love it with all of my heart, and I will absolutely still be writing it. Just hit a bit of a lull between some of my favourite chapters. Anyway, as you can all tell, I suck at sticking to a schedule, so I won't make any kind of promises about when the next chapter will be up. All I can say is that hopefully it will be much sooner than this one took. Anyway, thanks for reading, and as always, feedback is more than welcome!_

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o . o . o

* * *

As final exams drew closer, the boys began to feel mounting pressure. Every day they made their way to the library as soon as classes were over, taking dinner at one of the few tables that Madam Pince allowed food. They worked frantically for as long as they could keep their eyes open, then returned to the Gryffindor common room for a few hours of sleep before waking up and starting all over again.

They were all exhausted, but none of them more so than Remus. The full moon fell a week before exams, leaving him tired, weak, and ill as they prepared their last homework assignments of the year. They all knew that somehow, this transformation would be worse than any before, and they vowed to do anything they could to help Remus.

Peter woke in the morning, dark circles under his eyes after a restless night, and he found that Remus was not in his bed. After transformations, Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall typically returned Remus to the dormitory shortly after sunrise, sneaking him in before the other students awoke. But despite the bright sunbeams streaming through the windows and lighting up the room, there was no Remus. Peter's heart pounded. What had happened? Had something gone wrong? They had all tried to wait up as long as possible, listening to the distant sounds of howling and wondering if it was their best friend. But sooner or later, exhaustion had claimed them all, and they had collapsed wearily upon their pillows.

"Sirius! James!" Peter hissed, throwing his comforter off and reaching for his friends.

They stirred groggily, rubbing at their eyes. Sirius pulled his pillow over his head, thoroughly in denial of the morning's arrival.

"Get up!" Peter urged, pulling the pillow away from Sirius' face and smacking him hard with it. "Remus isn't here!"

At his words, James and Sirius both sat bolt upright, panic written clearly across their faces.

"Wha?" Sirius mumbled, still half asleep.

"He didn't come back this morning, I don't know where he is," Peter repeated, his voice coming out desperate and scared.

They all vaulted out of bed, pulling on their robes in a silent panic. They sped from the dormitory, not even remotely caring if they woke Lance or Firmin in their haste to leave. They would go to the Hospital Wing first, and if he wasn't there, they'd see Professor McGonagall. The three boys raced through the halls, their footsteps echoing loudly in the empty corridor.

Sirius rounded the corner first, his hand grabbing the wall to stop himself from flying past the door. Peter and James skidded to a halt behind him, all three coming dangerously close to slamming face first into the oak doors. Peter stepped forward and began pounding on the door, and after briefly exchanging glances, Sirius and James followed suit.

"What on earth –"

The door swung open to reveal a very tired and exasperated Madam Pomfrey. She was wearing her uniform, but her hair was still tied in the plait she'd done for the night, short strands and flyaways escaping from it and sticking out in every direction.

"You three," she sighed heavily. "What have you done now?"

"Is Remus here?" Peter burst out, hardly letting her finish her question.

"Professor McGonagall brought him in about an hour ago," Madam Pomfrey answered hesitantly. "He has a great many injuries after last night, some of which are proving rather difficult to heal."

She stepped aside and allowed them in, shutting the door behind them before walking toward the only occupied bed in the ward.

"Why are they difficult?" James asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand.

"Werewolves are magical," Peter whispered.

"What does that mean?" Sirius asked, both him and James spinning to look at Peter with incredulity.

"Magic can't always heal magic," he answered, no less cryptically.

"That is the essence," Madam Pomfrey agreed. "Healing often works under the principle that natural illnesses and injuries can be healed, but unnatural ones cannot. That is to say, getting sick or breaking a bone in a fall are easy things to treat. But things that are inflicted by spells or curses or magical beings often prove more difficult. There are more mild examples where spells replicate the effects of a natural injury – using a spell to break a bone is really the same as a fall. It requires slightly stronger magic to heal, but it can be done. Then there are spells that have unnatural consequences – curses, jinxes, hexes. In moderate cases, a counter-spell may exist which would allow us to remove the effects. But a more severe spell that damages the body or the mind... that is often not something that can be undone. Individuals tortured with the Cruciatus curse may find that they have long lasting aches and pains that no treatment will alleviate. Magical creatures often fall into this last category. Their wounds are often very resistant to magic and can be quite difficult to heal, and the more serious the injury, the greater the challenge. Remus has been lucky until now – his wounds have all been relatively superficial. Small cuts and scrapes, the occasional broken bone. Mild enough injuries to heal on their own or with minimal attention. But last night was different. I'm afraid Mr. Lupin sustained severe, possibly life-threatening, injuries. I think he is out of danger now, but it will be some time before he's completely alright."

"Can we see him?" Sirius asked, his face as white as a ghost.

"Not at the moment," Madam Pomfrey said, shaking her head sadly. "I've notified his parents of his condition, and I cannot allow visitors now until they give me their consent. Besides, Mr. Lupin is sedated right now, and he needs to rest. Go to class and come back during your break. Perhaps by then I will have better news for you."

The three boys nodded glumly, knowing that Madam Pomfrey would do her best for their friend. They hated having to leave him, but they had little choice. Sirius stormed out first, his understanding of the matron's reasoning doing little to quell his annoyance or his fear, James following close behind, and Peter leaving last, with a fleeting glance at the obscured bed at the end of the ward and an apologetic smile for Madam Pomfrey.

They trudged back up to their dormitory to change into proper clothes and grab their book bags, before making their way to the Great Hall. But their escapade had taken longer than they realized, leaving them only enough time to grab a few slices of toast to scarf down as they walked to their first class. Peter chewed on his lip anxiously as Sirius scowled, but James was unreadable. He could see the wheels spinning in his friend's brain, thinking something very intensely, but he had no idea what it might be. All three of them collapsed into their seats when they reached the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, tiredly pulling out their books.

Professor Al-Naaji opened the door from her office and stepped out into the classroom, commanding the attention of all her students from the moment she joined their midst. She was wearing deep crimson robes with intricate patterns embroidered in black thread, and her bushy hair hung wild around her shoulders. Dark eyes scanned the room, pausing over Remus' empty seat before moving on.

"Sabah al-khair, class," she said at last, moving to stand at the edge of her desk.

"Sabah al-noor, Professor," they replied, echoing the greeting she had taught them on their first day of class.

"Today we will be starting a new unit, and learning all about boggarts," she began. "Don't worry, it won't be on your exam. Boggarts are shape shifting creatures that live in small, dark spaces, like cupboards or cabinets or old school trunks. Has anyone here ever encountered a boggart before, or heard their parents talk about one?"

A few of the students raised their hands.

"Excellent. And does anybody know what boggarts do?" She paused as the class gave her confused looks, and then amended her question. "What shape do they take?"

Angus Brown raised his hand tentatively, and Professor Al-Naaji nodded at him in acknowledgement.

"Whatever freaks us out most," Angus said, his cheeks turning a little pink at the titters of laughter that floated through the classroom.

"Yes, more or less. Boggarts take the shape of whatever our deepest fear is, whether or not we realize it," the Professor explained. "They feed off the panic and distress of the sudden realization. In that respect, they are the complete opposite of dementors, who feed off the prolonged suffering and despair of their victims. Dementors feed on the soul of an individual, while boggarts feed on the energy created by the rapid changes in emotional state."

They scribbled notes furiously as Professor Al-Naaji continued to instruct them. Their lessons were always set up so that Mondays were theoretical and Thursdays were practical, and James idly wondered if they would get to face a real boggart in that week's practical lesson.

When the class ended, everyone began to put their books away and take out the scrolls of parchment that they had written their homework on. A distressing thought suddenly hit James. Remus. He worked so hard to stay on top of his classwork, and Professor Al-Naaji was strict about homework being submitted on time. And yet Remus must have forgotten to give them the assignment to turn in. It was hardly surprising given how affected he had been by this transition, but it was a very big deal. It was one of the last assignments of the term, and it had been closing out a large unit on water-dwelling creatures, so it was worth a large part of their grade.

Frantically, James tapped his want to the top of his essay, keeping his eyes on Professor Al-Naaji as she worked her way around the classroom collecting the rolls of parchment from each student. His name vanished from the top of the essay, and he grabbed his quill, scrawling Remus' name instead. James blew on the ink as subtly as he could to try to dry it before he had to turn it in.

When Professor Al-Naaji reached their table, James and Peter held up their two rolls of parchment. James felt strangely nervous, his heart beating so fast that his hands were shaking.

"Remus asked me to turn this in for him," he said, handing over his own essay.

"And where is yours?" she asked in reply.

"I don't have it," James answered, his cheeks turning pink.

"Mr. Potter," Professor Al-Naaji began in a stern voice, but her eyes flicked to the parchment he had turned over. "Please see me after class."

James nodded, and she moved on to collect the other students' essays. When everyone had turned their homework in, they were dismissed, and the students filed out. With a glance at James, Peter left too. When everyone was gone, James approached Professor Al-Naaji's desk, where she sat peering at him curiously.

"So..." she said, tapping her fingers together. "This is Remus' homework?"

"Yes, Professor," he answered, swallowing nervously.

"And you're positive about that?" she pressed.

"Yes, Professor."

"Do you mind telling me why you didn't complete your homework?"

"I..." James paused. He hadn't been ready for that. "I just... I don't know, I just didn't finish it, I guess."

"You don't have any better reason than that?" she asked.

"No, ma'am," he answered.

"Okay," she sighed. "You know the policy?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Very well, you may go."

James stood and left the classroom, letting the door click behind him. Professor Al-Naaji sat at her desk, staring at the essay he had handed her. Sure, it had Remus' name written across the top in slightly smudged ink, but the handwriting was so obviously Potter's. Despite her policy, she was oddly proud of James for sacrificing his own grades to protect his friend. It was silly, and unnecessary, but it was sweet and brave too. She decided that she'd give him credit for it, just this once. She often felt that sometimes kids deserved to be rewarded more for being kind to their classmates.


	10. Chapter 10: Good Son, Bad Son

_A/N: Well, would you look at that. A new chapter. Sorry for taking an absolute eternity with it, but here it is at last. The bad news - I haven't started writing the next chapter yet. But the good news - the following TWO chapters after that are already done. So whenever the next update is, you can expect three chapters in rapid succession. Hurray for that! Anyway, as always, I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's some Black family angst for ya, so buckle up. If you've lost track, and I can't say I blame you, we're in the summer before fourth year here (which would make Sirius fourteen, almost fifteen). Comments are always appreciated and I'll see you guys in the next chapter (which hopefully won't take six months to extract from my brain)._

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o . o . o

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Sirius laughed with his friends as they disembarked from the Hogwarts Express, returning home for the summer. There was something so freeing about summer, and the knowledge that they had two whole months without homework or classes or detentions. Though in truth, Sirius sometimes felt that two months with his parents _was_ a detention.

Peter's mother was waiting for him on the platform, beaming as soon as they stepped off the train and she saw her son. Lyall Lupin was standing next to her, his hands in his pockets as he waited anxiously. Beside him stood Mr. and Mrs. Potter, chatting idly to each other and anyone in close enough range to them. It was a bit of a reach to say that any of the boys' parents were friends with each other, but for the most part, they were warm and cordial whenever they happened to interact. The notable exception to this rule, however, was Orion and Walburga Black. They stood far apart from the others, talking only to other families in the Sacred 28. Other respectable families. On that particular afternoon, they spoke to Abraxas Malfoy. Sirius couldn't fathom what Abraxas was doing at Kings Cross, since Lucius had left Hogwarts two years earlier. But then Dimitri Dolohov walked up to Malfoy and it all clicks – he must be talking to Abraxas about a job.

With trepidation, Sirius said goodbye to his friends and walked across the platform toward his parents. He would have given anything to stay with his friends for the entire summer, to keep horsing around and playing stupid pranks. But undoubtedly he had a less exciting summer ahead of him.

"It's just shameful, honestly," Walburga sighed to Abraxas, shaking her head. She probably didn't mean for Sirius to hear – then again, she probably didn't care – but he had just stepped within earshot. "I mean, the people he chooses to associate with...you would think we didn't teach him anything."

Orion crossed his arms, watching Remus, Peter and James over Sirius' shoulder. Disapproval was etched across every line of his face, plain as day.

"Look at them! That one is the shabbiest child I've ever laid eyes on, and the pudgy one is just pathetic," Walburga ranted. "And don't even get me started on the Potter boy. He brings such shame on the Pureblood community – his parents too. The whole lot are a disgrace to the Sacred Twenty Eight. Such a waste."

Sirius felt his skin prickling across his entire body. He wanted to punch someone. Why did anyone think it was okay to talk like that? His parents hadn't even spoken to his friends once. Not that it mattered, Sirius knew they still wouldn't approve even if they had.

"At least Regulus has found far more suitable company," his mother remarked, and Sirius had to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment to stifle the feelings of inadequacy. It was like a physical pain in his gut, as though someone had dropped a bowling ball on his stomach, knocking all the wind out of him.

"Let's go," Orion commanded as soon as both of his sons had joined them. "I have better things to do than wait around here all day."

The foursome walked toward the end of the platform, where there was a fireplace with perpetually crackling green flames. Very few were allowed to use it, but Orion Black knew everyone worth knowing, and was generally considered a _very_ important person, so naturally he'd managed to gain access to it. They stepped in one after another, the Floo network placing them directly in the living room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

Sirius looked around. It was as dark and dingy as he remembered it, the heavy velvet curtains making sure that not even a speck of light entered the house. Who knows, even the smallest particle could be tainted by Muggles.

"I'll be in my room," Sirius mumbled, not bothering to wait for his parents to respond before he began hauling his trunk up the stairs. If he was lucky, it would be several hours before they even noticed he was gone.

He shut the door behind him, perhaps a little harder than was strictly necessary, and flicked on his little radio. He turned the dial until he found the wizarding rock channel, but for once, Sirius was too keyed up even for that. He felt like his skin was crawling and every sound pained him. It happened sometimes, that he just felt over-stimulated by everything going on in his life.

Deftly, Sirius found the classical station on the radio instead. It was perhaps his only secret, even from James, Remus, and Peter, and quite possibly the only thing that his parents had successfully passed on to him. The soft notes of a piano floated through the air, and with each one he felt his muscles relax.

o . o . o

The summer passed slowly for Sirius, and most days in fits of frustration. His parents belittled him or his friends and every occasion they could, and for any conceivable reason. Even more infuriating was Regulus' silence on every issue that came up. Whether his parents chose to berate Sirius about wardrobe, music, friends, or his grades, not once did Regulus chime in to defend him.

Sirius began to wonder whether Regulus was as disappointed as their parents that Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. He hadn't thought so at first, but perhaps Regulus now resented how little time they were able to spend together. Or maybe the other Slytherin nuts were poisoning his mind. Either way, the distance between them seemed to be growing day by day, and Sirius was worried that it would soon become an insurmountable chasm.

Near the end of July, while they were picking up new school supplies from Diagon Alley, the Blacks ran into Remus and his father. Sirius was ecstatic, and even Regulus seemed pleased to see him. Remus had a reputation for being quiet and kind, and there were few at school who didn't like him, though admittedly there were also few who really knew him.

Orion and Walburga allowed their sons to shop with the Lupins for a brief period of time. Sirius was surprised that his parents were being so pleasant, but it didn't last long. They had just paid for their books at Flourish & Blotts and left the store, and Lyall had asked if they wanted to join him and Remus for the rest of the afternoon. Walburga had politely declined, and Lyall had nodded, stepping away. Not two seconds later, however, Orion began to spew vitriol, and Sirius knew that the Lupins weren't yet out of earshot.

"Honestly, as if we would spend time with them by choice," Orion seethed. "They are simply the worst kind of creation, and the boy... his abomination is the worst kept secret in society. Of course the father tries to pretend it isn't all his fault, but then again, he is _progressive_. They never want to take responsibility for what they've done. Perhaps the family got their just desserts for the hideous stance they take on matters. As if _beasts_ deserve any rights at all."

Sirius gaped open-mouthed at his father, though he shouldn't have been surprised at all. He was fourteen, he really ought to know better. It wasn't as though his father's views were new. Still, something had changed for Sirius, and he felt a rage that he hadn't before, and it pulsed through his veins, through every fiber of his being. He clenched his jaw painfully tight, trying to keep his feelings inside.

"As if it wasn't bad enough that he married a muggle," Walburga added, shaking her head. "Honestly, that man has brought so much shame to his family, although I'm not sure that the Lupins ever had much honor to begin with."

"Shut up!" Sirius burst, his temper snapping like a taut cord.

"What did you say to your mother?" Orion hissed, grabbing his eldest son by the arm. His fingers dug in painfully, sure to leave bruises.

"I told her to shut up about my friend's family," Sirius answered defiantly, holding his chin up high. "They're good people. You're the awful ones for everything you've said."

"How dare you," his mother snarled, her face contorting with anger.

"You would raise your voice to your parents in public?" Orion growled, scowling at his son.

Sirius looked to his brother for support, but Regulus seemed to have shrunk in the face of their parents' ire. Staring at the cobblestones under his feet, Regulus completely ignored his brother.

"You are a disappointment beyond words," Orion said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, great," Sirius replied, turning on his heels and stalking off. He'd had enough of it all, he needed to get away.

He honestly didn't know who was the bigger disappointment to whom, but Sirius did know that he needed to get some space before he tried to pummel his father. He ignored the angry calls from behind him and picked up his pace, eager to put as much space between him and his family as possible. Sirius wandered aimlessly through Diagon Alley until he saw the sign for The Leaky Cauldron, and he knew that was his next stop. His parents would never dare to step foot there – it could be contaminated by the muggle world it served as a portal to.

Sirius pushed the door open a bit more violently than was strictly necessary, earning glares from several nearby patrons. He slid into a seat at the bar and looked over the chalkboard menu of drinks. He knew he would be too young to order most of the drinks – well, all of them if he was honest – but if he was confident enough, maybe he would be able to get away with a butterbeer.

"Whadd'ya want?" a middle-aged, balding barkeep asked, sidling over as he wiped a tall glass with a stained rag.

"Butterbeer, please," Sirius answered, trying to radiate a confidence he didn't feel.

"You old enough?" the barkeep asked with a skeptical look, before shrugging. "What the hell do I care anyway?"

He slammed a dusty bottle of butterbeer on the bar top and turned away, leaving Sirius to his drink and his thoughts.

He really hated his parents. Genuine, strong hatred. He'd always thought it was just bitterness, disappointment that they didn't love him like they loved Regulus. But now he was realizing that it wasn't about him, or their relationship. Sirius just really hated the people that they were. He didn't want to be like them in any way.

Something occurred to Sirius that he had missed before. Did his parents really know about Remus, and if so, how? Remus had said that the teachers at the school all knew about his condition, but Sirius knew that the Lupins were careful to keep everything hush hush. It occurred to Sirius that his parents were quite close with Professor Acacius Greengrass. Had that been how they learned about Remus? Professor Greengrass had some nerve, disclosing a student's confidential information...

Sirius downed three butterbeers before the sun set and he knew he had to go home. He didn't want to and he would be in enough trouble already, but he knew things would only be worse the longer he stayed out. It was better to simply confront the monsters now. Just two years and three months and then he'd be an adult and he could never see them again if he wanted.

He slapped a few sickles on the bar top and slid off his stool, pushing through the front door and into the suffocating heat of the London summer. Sticking out his wand arm, Sirius summoned the Knight Bus, not willing to walk through the haze. He rode the bus in silence, ignoring everyone else, until it came to a halt in the middle of the square in front of his house. Sirius tipped the driver a few knuts as he disembarked. The bus whipped off, leaving Sirius standing in the square on his own. He took a deep breath and then marched right up to the front door, pushing it open with a grimace.

Inside Number 12, all was quiet. Sirius crept up the stairs, wondering if, by some miracle, his family hadn't made it home yet.

"Sirius," his father's voice echoed from the study as Sirius reached the second floor landing.

No such luck then.

Sirius trudged into the study, finding his father pacing the floor while his mother perched in the leather armchair. Both looked at him sternly as he entered the room, and Sirius waited for the shoe to drop.

"You are a disgrace," Walburga spat after a long minute of tense silence.

"Yeah, like you've never said that before," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

"YOU HAVE NEVER SHAMED US LIKE THIS BEFORE," his mother roared, her eyes practically flashing red with anger.

"Speaking out against us in _public_ ," Orion hissed, eyebrows furrowed into a dangerous expression. "It's a new low, even for you."

"Why do you hate me so much?" Sirius pleaded, a desperation in his voice that he despised.

"You are our eldest son, but you have never behaved like it," Orion answered while his wife eyed their son with disgust. "You have shamed us time and time again, with your choices and your _associations._ The Black family does not deal with the likes of blood traitors or half breeds, and yet the heir to the kingdom insists on cavorting with them daily."

"They're good people, Father!"

"They are unworthy of your acknowledgement, let alone your loyalty."

"Yet you feel more kin to them than your own blood," Walburga added.

"You can't blame this on my friends, because the truth is that all this started long before I went to school!" Sirius raged. "You've always hated me!"

"You were never the son we wanted," Walburga sneered.

"So that's it? I wasn't the perfect kid so now you're just going to hate me forever?" Sirius asked, feeling something in between anger and hurt. "You'll just always be bitter that Regulus wasn't your first born and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Watch your tone," Orion warned. "We could easily disown you."

"You'd be condemned by the wizarding society you love so much if you did," Sirius replied.

"NO ONE COULD BLAME US!" Orion roared, slamming his fist into the mantelpiece. "Not after all you've done. You should be grateful that it hasn't come to that yet."

"It's a threat then," Sirius clarified, though he already knew the answer. "Toe the line or I'm out, is that right?"

"You must demonstrate that you are worthy of your inheritance," Orion answered, and though he hadn't uttered the exact words, Sirius knew it was confirmation.

"Right, well, anything else?" he asked, trying to make his voice sound light as he choked back hatred.

"Get out of my sight," Walburga hissed.

Sirius knew the tone well enough, and he fled the room as fast as his feet would take him. Not that he had any desire to stay in the study with his parents a second longer. In fact, he really had no desire to stay in the house with his parents, but that couldn't be helped.

He trudged up the stairs, and saw Regulus peeking out from behind his door, which was open just the tiniest sliver. Sirius winked and gave his brother a smile, trying to reassure him that he was alright, the way he always had after his parents' tirades. But it didn't feel right to either boy, and they both knew that this time was something different. It wasn't bruises or breaks that would heal in time, and it wasn't just angry words that one could forget with enough reassurance from others. This time the fight came with the very real knowledge that unless he sacrificed everything that made him happy, nothing Sirius ever did would be good enough for his parents, and it made him feel utterly small.


End file.
